The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Season Finale Recap: Richards Family Meltdown!

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So much happened on the season finale of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, it's taken us awhile to sift through the carnage. After this nuclear war, the extent of the fallout may not fully be known for years. Or the reunion special.

How did THG's critic respond to the events of last night, which included family feuds, cat fights and relationships unraveling one after the other? Find out now ...

Wow. I've seen a lot of Housewivery battles in my day, and nothing compared to last night's limo ride to nowhere. We knew Kim and Kyle have family issues, but didn't realize just how deep rooted those issues actually are.

I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning.

We open with last week's final scene. Camille and a sprinkle of Grammer minions toasted Kelsey's Tony nod, and the air was thick with "I don't want to be here."

By the way, did anyone notice that the woman next to Camille bears a striking resemblance to The OC's Julie Cooper-Nichol (Melinda Clarke)?

It's more of the same between Camille and Kelsey as they headed to midtown, and it was painful for everyone involved to watch Camille continue to kiss Kelsey's ass, even though he wanted NO part of her.

She said it herself during a heart-to-heart with one of her very few female friends: Kelsey did everything he could to avoid talking about and engaging in their failing marriage at the Tony Awards.

Camille finally realized that she was reduced to begging the pr!ck to stay in their marriage. As nuts as she is, I felt for Camille in that moment.

Crazy may have a "Jesus complex," but she's just as human as the rest of us (Thank God. The jury was out for a bit).   

Lisa Vanderpump kept her word and finally addressed the Serafina Showdown with Taylor.  Never one to be removed from her element, Lisa invited Taylor to lunch at Villa Blanca (which, by the way, has a very reasonably priced menu.

I'll pop in v. soon to report back on the cuisine. No doubt I'll be washing it down with a bottle of Rose. Anyhoo, Lisa's not one to beat around the bush.

She laid it out on the table to Taylor almost straight away: Did Taylor say something to Camille in private before dinner to get her so worked up AGAIN?

Nay, said Taylor. The root of all this nonsense, according to Taylor, stemmed from Kim. The story didn't make total sense, and we're glad Lisa didn't buy it either.

From there, things went south because, as we'll find out, Taylor took this as a sign to confront a very unstable Kim about what happened in New York (and essentially blamed her for EVERYTHING). And as Lisa said, "I don't give a flying fig what Kim said to Taylor." ILYLV.

Speak of the nutter, Kim walked into the Cristophe salon in Beverly Hills to see about makeup application. Here is where the former child actor really come undone. 

Kim doesn't do glamour. When she was married to her ex-husband, you'd find them both in chef's hats and sweats beyond the guarded gates. Things haven't changed much and Kim still feels like a plain Jane.

As the makeup artist attempted to show her how to apply eyeshadow, Kim struggled to dab. Her reasoning? Because she didn't have to put on a face for friends or school. Kyle did, but Kim didn't. Hmmm, alright.  We'll let the doctor find out why you can't apply makeup.

Lisa gets 10000000 points for naming her dog Pikachu.  And she got another 5 points for finally looking Cedric in the eye and telling him he couldn't live at their palace any longer.

I'm sorry, but if my wealthy friends told me, point blank to my face, that I have to move out of their home after a year of freeloading, I would be up a real estate agent's ass to find me something decent.

No self-respecting person would be so rude as to remain in friend's home when they've been told time and time again that they need to find their own place. I realize that Cedric has abandonment issues, but he's 37 and needs to get a grip.

Lisa's not leaving him; he just needs to put on his big boy pants and grow up.

The fact that Camille had to show ID to prove who she was at Kelsey's NYC apartment is reason enough to receive $50 million from that a__hole.  

Drippy Russell was totally told by Bravo to throw Taylor a birthday party, and having no backbone or interest in doing something for her himself, he said yes.

Then the next day he and Taylor would hop a plane to Mexico to fix their marital problems. RED LIGHT RED LIGHT. Naturally, the party is a bust mainly because Drip made the worst birthday speech about his wife ever. He should have asked Paul to write something up. Paul's funny, attentive and gave up a weekend with Marky Mark to make his wife a plate of finger foods.

It still counts even if she walked away mid-sentence. God bless the Bickersons.  

After the worst speech in the world ever, Taylor decided to unleash her marital frustration on Kim. It was the perfectly opportunity to relinquish any and all accountability for what she may or may not have done during the season.

In all fairness to Kim, it was a shady thing for Taylor to do and was executed out of self-interest more than "I need to get this off my chest." Kim is not great at defending herself, so this confrontation was messy, at best. 

Not to mention it seemed that Kim was a little drunk when she arrived. 

Things escalated between Taylor and Kim, as Kyle heard her name and shimmied over in a too-tight bandage dress (really, Kyle, you're pretty and have a great body, but it's time to dress your age). Then Lisa and Adrienne came over to mediate. 

Kyle is over trying to deal with Kim. We can tell she's had it and doesn't feel like defending someone who can't fight her way out of lunch box. Kim accidentally accused Lisa of being a bad friend, then immediately retracted her statement. 

Lisa knew the poor thing is crackers, so after her initial shock, I'm sure she let it go. Meanwhile, Adrienne stepped in to try and calm Kim and Kyle down. I'd like to pause for a moment and call to everyone's attention Adrienne's pumps.

Weren't they something? Stars of the show, those sparkle pumps.

By this point Kim was in her limo, having been told to stay put (by both her manager and Andy Cohen, probably). Somehow Martin made his way into the limo. What for, I don't know. Then Adrienne stepped in to try and make Kim feel better.

No such luck. 

In swooped Kyle and things just went so bad. So, so bad. The worst I've seen in a long time. So much was aired between the Richards sisters that shouldn't have been caught on camera. Kim's possible battle with alcohol, the fact that Mauricio and Kyle support her financially. How about when Kim blurted out, "You stole my f____ house!"

I have no clue what that means, but it all just blew up.  

The "Where Are The Housewives Now" ending wasn't much better. Lisa isn't speaking to Cedric, Kim checked into rehab, then checked right out. Kyle isn't speaking to her, Taylor's on the verge of divorcing the Drip and Camille is in the middle of a custody battle with Kelsey. The only one faring well after all is said and done is Adrienne (we hope).  

If you think this finale was bad, wait until next week. As always, Andy Cohen recorded many hours of screaming and fighting for sweeps. Heaven knows what kind of dark spots lie ahead. Stay tuned.

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As an adult Kim is as she was when she was a child THE SCAPEGOAT

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Listening to the ladies would help. KYLE keeps saying "Mom had to die worrying about KIM"...THAT is her hurt. This goes way back-you can see the girls on Witch Mountain and Halloween come out. KIM is tired-SHE is saying, "I started working when I was FOUR and I supported the FAMILY and bought Kyle her first car and house, and I feel unappreciated and TIRED. You are sisters, and you can heal. My brother died-suicide. April 22, 2008. NOTHING is worth fighting over. The SILENCE knowing he can never come over or call. Your fight in the limo made my teary. Think if one of you were just GONE one day-just think about it. God Bless. Lisa and Adrienne you rock. God Bless Camille, and Taylor you will get back when you GIVE back!

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So let's get this right in Kyles view it's ok to do porn if you are not Camille, it's ok to drink if you're not Kim, and it's ok to have your 15min of fame if you're not Cedric ! What kind of ego trip are some of them on, honestly! What ever happened btw Cedric and Lisa is inconsequential compared to what she said about him trying to get his 15min, is that only reserved for Kyle and Paris? And God help if Camille overstepped her limit and got an extra minute in Hawaii ! Honestly Cedric would be alot more appreciated on the REAL housewives of Atlanta, who knows Kandi may even write him a song.

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TAYLOR... you are s uck a f'n liar and disgusting human being
and for your charity quit..cuz your the least charitable person on the planet.. you even gave yo ur dog away cuz you didint want it...and like andy said..YOU STARTED THE FIGHT AND EVERRRRRRRRRRYONE ONT HE PLANET KNOWS IT

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No one can be more fake than Taylor. Taylor is not even her real name!

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The PR machine has really been running overtime in favor of Kyle, yet most of the people posting on all the blogs seem to abhor Kyle's behavior and stand in support of Kim. I sense Bravo is protecting their franchise and one of the "stars" of TRHW shows. I pray Kim doesn't come back for more abuse and stays at arms legnth with that horrid sister of hers. Kim is the only one with real talent for acting, which is what she should stick to. Alcoholism or not, there was no excuse for Kyle's behavior during the entire show.

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KYLE AND TAYLOR, "ITS NICE TO BE IMPORTANT,BUT MORE IMPORTANT TO BE NICE"

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If one is to believe, and follow the dubious "logic" of these "ladies?", then Kim is to blame for 911, the ongoing war situation, all natural disasters, the economy, and global warming.

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Kudos ScoodeVille and Elle, you both nailed it well.

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Wow what a lady stupid Taylor is! Attacking Kim at her party was sooo low class. I am a big Fan of Kim! I grew up with her as I am in my late fortys,she is the reason why I starting watching these be- at- ches! Her sister is such a disappointment! What if her children behaved that way toward eachother(oh Kyle let your daughter dress you from now on ..Now she looks and acts like the lady you should be!). Great example loser Kyle. NONE OF US OUT HERE ARE ON YOUR SIDE KYLE,TAYLOR and Camille you get a "Get out of Jail free card from me today- I WILL NEVER WATCH KELSEY AGAIN IN ANYTHING!!!. I LOVED WATCHING ADRIENNE ..Lisa..yuck.. money cant buy what you need. Wow I cant even watch this last one "Taylors Party" I want to take Kim's side and kick her sisters ASS! Bring it this way Kyle pick on someone who can take you..ME! KIM'S FRIEND!