Jersey Shore Recap: If I Were Sober, I'd Be Bored

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Last night on Jersey Shore, Snooki got sprung from the can but soon reverted to her old ways, while Ronnie's doppelganger was discovered at the club and JWoww's relationship problems with Tom Lippolis reached a tipping point.

A relatively tame episode after Snooki's epic bender, but a good one.

As always, THG breaks down all the best Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night's installment of the MTV show in its trademark +/- recap below:

Lecture From Dad

WHAT A QUACK: Snooki's dad relays his disappointment.

He's disappointed, but Snooki's dad takes the whole thing pretty well. Guess when your daughter once sold alcohol at a party at your house, and a trashed guest crashed his car and died on the way home, you've seen worse. Minus 12.

When her father goes off on her with the tried and true "I'm not mad, just disappointed" bit, she says "It's not like I killed someone." This time. Plus 8.

His lecture was a real deterrent for at least 12 hours. Minus 4.

Wait, was JWoww wearing a "Free Snooki" tank top? Plus 7.

JWoww and Tom argue via the duck. It's only going to get worse. Minus 4.

Ronnie and Sammi are sound asleep and therefore silent. Niiiiice! Plus 5.

They'll wake up at some point between now and the end of time. Minus 5.

Deena tags along with the guys and fits in well, complimenting a girl's chest, letting a girl do a shot off her stomach, allowing a girl to grind on her ass and so on. They may want to rename their crew MVPD. Plus 10.

JWoww Cleavage Pic

FUN WITH FLIP VIDEOS: What else is that thing good for?

JWOWW, Pauly D and Vinny shoot flip-cam videos. See above. Plus 9.

Snooki gem #1: "Every time I get really excited, like if we go to a club, I have to poop my pants. If we go to a party, I have to poop my pants, if I go on a date, I have to poop my pants." So Snooki and fecal waste are inseparable. Minus 7.

Snooki gem #2: "This is the things I think I’m addicted to: Bronzer, boys and alcohol. I’m f@#ked up." Yes, this is pretty much the things, Snook. Plus 6.

Fake Ronnie is just as much of a sleaze as Real Ronnie. Minus 4.

Plus 8 for Vinny's line in which he says getting to "hang out with Ron while he's with Sam" is the best of both worlds, though. Funny and likely true.

Duck Call

(DUCK) CALLING IT OFF: JWoww and Tom break up.

Deena and Dean get in the tub and molest each other. The next day, Sammi says, "Men are pigs." Deena: "He [indecipherable] last night, so." Huh? Eh, Plus 5.

Real Ron on JWoww hypocrisy: "She sees her ex-boyfriend, then calls her boyfriend, but I'm the dirtbag? She's just a shady bitch." He's way worse. Minus 6.

JWoww ends it with Tom Lippolis, saying he basically drove her into the arms of Roger Williams. Plus 8, since unlike Sam, she clearly means the word "done."

Dude stole JWoww nude pictures! Dirtbag. Minus 7.

Plus 13 for Snooki and JWoww's friendship. They may be trashy at times (or all the time), but there is a genuineness that we really relate to and appreciate.

On Jersey Shore After Dark, JWoww says Tom was an abusive control freak who "threw her down the stairs" because he found clothes in her luggage that weren't "acceptable." Does she wear anything that is acceptable? It's JWoww! Minus 10.

Bonus Plus 7 for an episode generally free of Sammi opening her mouth, and for a little breather from The Situation's antics, much as we love the guy.

TOTAL: +27. SEASON TOTAL: +104.

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I'm glad Deena is a friendly social person. I am concerned that her clothes is too small. A sweater or turtleneck might be more appropriate when hanging out with active young men. Her exposed breasts might distract these young men from focusing on her personality.

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Just when you thought they couldn't sink any lower.

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both Ronnies are classic douchenozzles

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Haha found this hilarious animated Episode 3 recap: http://bit.ly/eiY3pG

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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do!

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Great review!

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I can see that Tom was a control freak. His attitude reminds me of my ex who was constantly accusing when in fact he was the one who was guilty of ... well mainly everything he was so accusing of. So this Tom fellow needs to hush. I think she's been a pretty good gf. They're not married. If he wants to be with her and only her and have her be completely faithful to him, then he needs to marry to girl. Either way... I'm a sucker for the JS drama. :)

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