Welcome to The Hollywood Gossip's Week in Review, where our staff recaps the past seven days in entertainment and celebrity news, rumors and gossip.
Note to bullies and hecklers: If Justin Bieber assaults you, you'll know it.
- Justin Bieber is under investigation for an alleged laser tag assault.
- Taylor Swift sings about John Mayer in a new song. Not flatteringly!
- Lindsay Lohan is due in court any minute and may be returning to jail.
- Willow Smith showed how she can "Whip Her Hair" back and forth.
- Kanye West discussed Grammys, suicide and banned album covers.
- Jon Gosselin tried to turn over a new leaf with a Twitter mea culpa.
- You won't believe this explanation for Christina Aguilera's divorce.
- Mel Gibson's firing from The Hangover 2 sparked cries of hypocrisy.
- A risque Glee photo shoot in GQ was likened to pedophilia by critics.
- Juan Williams' firing over remarks about Islam was also a hot topic.
Hip-hop's second coming isn't coming ... yet, anyway.
- DWTS favorite Brandy says she's been sexless for years. Six!
- Man, Ava Sambora is just so white trash beautiful at age 13.
- Rumors of a pregnant Beyonce surfaced again ... prematurely.
- Also a false report? This one about Angelina Jolie and drugs.
- Angela Dorian, former POTY, may have tried to kill someone.
- Teneal Goyco was hired to play Tiger Woods in a fake sex tape.
- Anna Chapman went from deported spy to Maxim cover girl.
- Jersey Shore called it a season. JWoww called off Playboy.
- Docs who helped Octomom conceive may be reprimanded.
- Speaking of scary pregnancies, take it away, Kristen Stewart!
- So many Teen Mom crises, so little time.
- Randy and Evi Quaid are wanted. Really.
Two Lakers players getting engaged to celebs in one week!
- Maria Sharapova got engaged to baller Sasha Vujacic!
- So did Monica to Shannon Brown, Sasha's teammate!
- Janet Jackson might be engaged to Wissam Al Mana.
- Reese Witherspoon and Jim Toth? Same deal. Unclear.
- Kim K and Kanye were seen kanoodling like a kouple.
- Brahim Rachiki may be Madonna's latest younger man.
- Kate Hudson and Matt Bellamy are totally an item now.
- Camilla Rosestrand and Prince Harry? Not quite sure.
- Colin Farrell and Alicja Bachleda have called it quits.
- So have RHOC star Vicki Gunvalson and her husband.