Jersey Shore Recap: The Worst Wingman Ever

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Last night's Jersey Shore was titled "Deja Vu All Over Again." Fitting, as the plight of Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino continued for a second straight week.

After the self-proclaimed King of Pimps ran afoul of Snooki last week, he struck out with more girls, got the gang booted from da club and failed as a wingman.

We felt bad ... for Pauly D. Below, THG breaks down the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night's episode of the show in its patented +/- recap ...

GTF Out!

Not DTF? Then GTF out!

Snooki becomes homesick after saying goodbye to her friend Ryder and contemplates leaving. Minus 7, because we know filming ends in a matter of days.

The Situation kicks a girl out of his bed after she tells him she doesn't want to hook up, leading to one of our favorite exchanges this season. Sitch: "Don't come over to somebody's house at f*%king 5 a.m. and expect to play checkers." Non-DTF Girl: "I never said anything about checkers, OLD MAN!" LOL. Guy is like 28. Plus 28.

Sayeth Snooki, of JWoww's clubbing attire: "She looks so good. She looks like the ultimate stripper." One that can and will beat your ass on cue. Plus 5.

Vinny on Ramona: "I'm a little pot-committed and caught some feelings for her after all we've been through." Minus 9, because pot-committed makes no sense, even if closed captioning says it, and "what they've been through" is him being stood up once.

Vinny and Ramona

Pot-committed or not, we're kinda loving Vinny and Ramona.

This is more of a general observation, but does anybody else think that some of the authenticity is fading now that the cast members are celebrities? When they were a bunch of white trash idiots in New Jersey, it just seemed more real. Minus 10.

Back to the show ... Pauly D laments his terrible wingman situation: "What I need is somebody that knows how to take one for the team or entertain a grenade or even decipher the bomb if one comes." Decipher? Eh, the point got across. Plus 8.

Wow! Sammi acts totally irrationally over a mundane comment from Ronnie. What a shock! Asked by his girl if she looks "exotic," Ronnie says yeah, Sammi looks Asian. Ronnie's ex-girlfriend is Asian. HOW DARE YOU RON!? Minus 15.

After a mishap in the kitchen, firefighters visit the Miami house to make sure nothing is on fire. Yet the things that burn, they can't check. Plus 6. Speaking of ...

Hookup Chart

We need a shot of penicillin after merely watching this.

JWoww creates a chart to see how the roommates have indirectly hooked up with each other. The real question is who hasn't smushed at this point. Minus 7.

The Situation and Vinny accidentally get the car towed. Not his night. Plus 4.

After Pauly D lures two girls from Canadia to the crib, The Situation flakes again after his is engaged. Pauly? Not happy: "I was nice enough to bring two. At least entertain the chick or something so I can get it in." Seriously dude. Nut up. Minus 10.

TOTAL: -7. SEASON TOTAL: +133.

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