Snooki Seeks a Nice, Tan, Gorilla Juicehead Nympho

Snooki's list of criteria for a boyfriend is quite simple.

If you're hilariously fake-tanned, ridiculously ripped (possibly with the aid of HGH or other steroids) and like to "get it in" a lot, step right up, fellas.

Tonight on Jersey Shore, the future novelist (real name Nicole Polizzi) makes a list of 20 qualities she wants in a guy. He better be a nympho, for one.

What HGH-using meathead guido could resist this?

A tan, guido "juicehead" who likes to party and "isn't a jerk-off" would also be ideal. Can she and JWoww track down such an upstanding character?

They're certainly gonna try, and the tanned twsome has already pinpointed the potential target locations: "The gym, the beach, Ed Hardy store."

Foolproof really. Follow the jump for a clip from tonight ...

Snooki's Perfect Man

There you have it. Hopefully, the lucky guy likes Oompa Loompas who occasionally smush their roommates and are hospitalized for alcohol poisoning.