Jersey Shore Recap: Every Month, We Got a Situation

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Silly us. We will never again doubt Jersey Shore's ability to lower the bar. Just when you think it cannot get more tasteless or hilarious, you are proven wrong.

Not one week goes by that we, as viewers, aren't introduced to fist fights, terrible grammar, pseudonyms for bodily functions and thoroughly revolting situations.

As always, THG's here to break down all the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night's installment of the show in its patented +/- recap below ...

JWOWW and Tom

JWoww and her Guido Du Jour have it out.

Plus 9 for the stomach-churning double entendre of the episode title, "Dirty Pad."

JWoww and her man solve arguments by picking each other’s noses. Minus 2.

Angelina, Ron and Sam take Jose out for his birthday. Ron: "Jose is definitely getting played. (pause) Like a piano. He's getting cheated on by a dirty piano." Plus 11.

Angelina takes Jose into the Smush Room but refuses to hook up with him. Minus 3. Then she lies about hooking up with him in the Smush Room. Minus 4 more.

JWoww and Tom Lippolis, who are now broken up, have it out when he finds another guy's number in her phone. Apparently taking his cues from Sammi Giancola, Tom storms out, shouting, "I'm done! I'm outta here, I'm done!" Plus 5.

Model to The Situation: "You know, I'm Canadian!" Situation: (lifts shirt, reveals abs) "Oh yeah?" What a misogynistic, arrogant prick. On the flip side, who wants to talk about Canada? Wash, because at least he's genuine.

Pauly D is falling for Rocia. It's actually kinda cute. Plus 3.

Pauly and Rocia

Pauly D is smitten with his girl. His hair will soon be put to the test.

The boys sing a tune called “T-Shirt Time.” Sadly we're still humming it. Plus 7.

Pauly D recruits some girls to bury Vinny in the sand. Looks like fun! Plus 2.

Angelina's friend Gina kind of sounds like Angelina doing an impression of a man. Minus 9 for when she says "I'm outside, bro." Very annoying. Even more scary.

Here's Snooki's daily routine: Wake up after noon. Go to the salon. Begin to get sloshed. Fall asleep outside. Go to club. Really get sloshed. Pass out. Mess with JWoww as she's getting boned. Hook up with Vin. Pass out again. Plus 17.

Ange laments the promiscuity double standard. Minus 5, because she's right.

Dirty Pad

Our sentiments exactly.

After finding one of Angelina's dirty pads on the floor, The Situation decides to get revenge by putting it under her pillow. So gross on so many levels. Minus 23.

Quote of the night: "Every month, there's a situation." Indeed. Plus 7.

The Situation goes off on Angelina for being dirty, the worst case of the pot calling the kettle black. He has an iPhone app about dodging grenades. Minus 6.

The following exchange ensues: "Shut your mouth you dirty hamster," Mike exclaims. "You look like Popeye on crack," Angeliner retorts. "You look like a ho," insists Sitch. "You're a dirtbag and your penis should fall off," Ange snaps. Plus 12.


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