Jersey Shore Recap: Cat Fights! Pink Eye! Reloaded!

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"I don't even know. Who knows, dog. That's the first time. That's the first time that has happened. But I'm a trooper! I'm The Situation, man!" - The Situation

What was Mike referring to in one of our favorite Jersey Shore quotes from last night? Hooking up with a chick at the club that was probably a dude, of course.

These things happen down at the shore. What else happened on Thursday's episode? Let's find out in THG's exclusive point-system recap of "Not So Shore" ...

The Situation and a Transvestie

The Situation works his game. With a man.

After hooking up with Vinny, Snooki says it was like "putting a watermelon in a pinhole." Umm. Minus 12 for the imagery of a watermelon and Snooki's pinhole.

Vinny likely contracts pink eye (again). Pauly D's diagnosis: "Your eyebrows are so bushy, they collect so much more bacteria than normal eyes would." Plus 9.

Speaking of Pauly D, dude got so freaking hammered he had to be helped into bed. Who does this guy think he is, Ronnie? Wash, because we still love Pauly.

Vinny is DTS (down to snuggle). That's also STD backwards. Minus 3.

Mike’s sister Melissa decides to visit Miami. Vinny’s pretty confident that they’re going to hook up again. Hopefully She-Situation gets tested afterward. Plus 5.

Angelina Pivarnick, pot-stirrer extraordinaire, is in rare form this week. We're half surprised she didn't end up backhanded and crying, but Plus 2 for the accent.

In addition to his tranny antics, The Sitch brings home a girl, makes himself something to eat first, then calls her a cab after. Not misogynistic at all. Minus 21.

Snooki and Vinny Photo

Snooki and Vinny get it on again. Emilio Masella seethes.

Vinny, to JWoww, on his bling: "It's like your t!ts. Looks sick, but fake." Plus 4.

Snooki asks her ex how to spell “tomato.” At the grocery store, she reveals that she also doesn’t know what a quart is. Plus 1, though, for even going to the effort.

Now for the main event. Sammi is pissed at Ronnie, the worst boyfriend ever, but she's more pissed at the friends who told her the truth. Makes sense. Minus 8.

On the phone with her boyfriend, JWoww mentions Pauly being wasted. Angelina thinks Jenni’s talking smack; Vinny thinks Angelina is crazy. OMG it's on. Plus 5.

Sam Goes OFF

Sam loses it. She is DONE.

It's not even clear who started what at this juncture, but screaming about the note begins. JWoww gets in Sammi's face. Sammi gets in JWoww's face. JWoww clamps her hands over Sammi's ears and pushes her head away. Plus 18.

SIDE NOTE: Minus 10 for every time Sam's said "I'm done!" this year.

Sammi gets in a good smack, but JWoww, like an old pro grabs her hair and takes her ass down. Angelina, Ron and Snooki try to break it up, but JWoww pushes Sam's head down again. More blows are exchanged. Fade to black. Plus 22.

TOTAL: +12. SEASON: +93.

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Is there a way to vote Sammie and Ronnie off????? They are retarded and waste show time. IF THEY ARE ON NEXT SESSION I AM DONE WITH THIS SHOW

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Okay jwow is the best , she hit sammy because sammy was trying to act like she was all cool . Sammy had no right to get in Jwow & Angelinas buisness , it wasn't her place to tell Jwow anything . If Angelina would have kept her mouth shut instead of trying to say Jwow was trying to talk shit then they would have never fought. Angelina is such a two face .. She shoud have never opened her mouth & lied because Jwow never started talking shit about vinny . She didn't say it like "ohh yeah vinnys so druunk he ccan't ever walk he's a acholoic" no! all she said was that he was drunk , she NEVER said it like that , She was just stating a fact . So just leave JWOW AL0N3 ! She is one of the 2 true people on the show . Okaaaaaaaaay ? !

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The whole show is stupid look how it makes all the young people look drunk honry and stupid low class low life and no respect and mostly it makes New Jersey look low class to i know when it comes to vacation time New Jersey wont be on my list of places to visit,

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i think Sam is one dumb girl i Didn't know girls like Sam is still around, she like Ron treat her so bad and he turn around and get in her bed how dumb can you get were she came from i never let a man see me cry over him well he not a man he is a jackass,

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i think sammy is fukn stupid!! she should be thankin jwow and snooks.. they prolly should have done it in a different way.. but either way sammy is fukn dumb she still goes crawling bak to hoe as ronnie

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It's obvious that JWow has anger issues. Not to say that others don't either, but JWow seems pissed off at the world and ready to pop anyone. Remember last season when she smacked The Situation. If it wasn't for her boobs she'd be gone. Time she saved her bucks and got a face job. Snooki comparing her "kitty" to a pin hole? "Black hole" maybe. Puh-lease. Why does Sammi sleep with her glasses on? This show is like watching a train wreck, you know it's wrong, but you can't turn away.

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j-wow is j-low, she is your next danielle staubs, every time she opens her mouth is telling someone how bad she is going to beat them, entertaining absolutley not, boring definetly, replace her as soon as you can and while your at it replace sam if i wanted to watch someone in bed all day i would watch my husband, better yet how about some vitamin b-12 so she can atleast walk outside to lay down..

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JWoww is like a rabid dog who doesn't know what she's barking at. This show truly disgusts me, yet still I watch AND here's why: http://ow.ly/2z9EC