Yesterday morning, Heidi Montag spent a few minutes feeling herself up. Why? Because that's how women with fake boobs have to roll, she Tweeted:

"Giving my self a soft tissue breast massage. Ladies, we have to keep those implants soft."

Hours before she offered this insightful advice, Montag wrote about pain caused by another one of her 12 - yes, 12! - plastic surgery procedures.

"Warning: to anyone who is thinking about getting their ears pinned, I learned after the fact it is the most painful surgery a person can get."

THG warning to anyone thinking about getting their ears pinned: don't do it. Seek treatment for mental health issues instead.