So, yeah, the Heidi Montag sex tape saga. Where to even begin?
Ever since Spencer Pratt signed divorce documents in his split from the plastic princess, he's allegedly been blackmailing her, threatening to sell the tape.
Pratt says he's shopping the Heidi Montag sex tape co-starring himself and another girl (Karissa Shannon) and will sell it unless she comes back to him.
And films a new reality show, of course. But is this all a sham?
Sunday, they were spotted together in Costa Rica, where they both are currently. Pratt claims he brought the couple's dogs down to move in with her:
"[Heidi] thought I was going to leave, but I'm not. I didn't want to get divorced. I have nothing in Malibu, I'm homeless, I'm nothing without her."
CASHIN' IN: That's always Spencer Pratt's goal ... sex tape or not.
Montag admits Pratt is with her in Costa Rica, telling People: "Everything was calm and going smoothly with the divorce. We were really getting along and it was amazing he was being so thoughtful to help me move. Then things turned."
By things, Montag means Spencer's $5 million deal that he's supposedly working on with Vivid Entertainment to sell the sex tape - which she denies exists:
"There is no sex tape that exists and there never was. Spencer is trying to drum up press. This is exactly why I wanted to divorce him in the first place."But Pratt insists such a tape does exist and he's not afraid to use it: "I told Heidi, if you don't want to do the new reality show with me, I'll have to release old footage. I can get $5 million from a sex tape, but I really don't want to do that."
"Heidi is furious with me but I need to look out for myself."
CROCODILE TEARS: Is Heidi in on this? Can her face even make tears now?
Montag has moved to Costa Rica, for reasons unknown and for an undetermined period. These two are both sketchy, it's hard to make sense of anything.
So is the video real or not? According to TMZ, despite the public denial you just read, the 'Tag is privately acknowledging the existence of her sex tape.
Not only that, she's finally willing to talk business.
Heidi has agreed to listen to Vivid president Steve Hirsch make an offer on the footage. She wants Kim Kardashian sex tape sales figures to potentially negotiate a "back-end deal" if Vivid can't offer enough a big enough cash sum up front.
Hirsch says he's leaving for Costa Rica next week. We gotta ask ...
Spencer and Heidi's divorce is ...
Which sex tape sounds more appealing to you?
Does the supposed tape(s) even exist?