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When you're a criminal sentenced to hard time, you rely on your innermost thoughts, your sheer will to get you through each day until freedom is yours at last.

For Lindsay Lohan, the 13 days she spent in lockup were harrowing, but documenting the experience on paper helped her survive to see the light of day again.

The troubled actress used her time behind bars to brush up on writing, one of her favorite hobbies, and now she plans on trying to turn the works into a profit.

Hey, gotta pay the legal fees somehow. Shawn Chapman Holley doesn't work pro bono. We just hope she cleans up her language since her last writing effort.

  • Lindsay Lohan Mug Shot 2010
  • Lindsay Lohan Legal Pad

Courtrooms and jail give a thug a lot of time to think.

Lynwood Correctional Facility sources say Lohan filled up several notebooks during her incarceration ... documenting "every single thing about her life" in jail.

Visits by Samantha Ronson, living among murderers. It's all in there. Now the star hopes that she can eventually turn this insightful "journal" into a book.

In addition to the banality of prison life, Lohan wrote about everything from scarred relationships with her family to the dreams she had. Eh, we'd read it.

Lohan was released from jail in the wee hours of Monday morning and is already in rehab at UCLA Medical Center. The question: Can she stay clean?

 

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Snooki from Jersey Shore isn't lacking for self confidence.

The reality star, a.k.a. Nicole Polizzi, reckons Seaside Heights, N.J., should feel grateful for her mere presence, skimpy outfits, public drunkenness and all.

"I'm the best thing in this town," she arrogantly declared after cops arrested her for disorderly conduct after she borderline passed out wasted in mid-day.

"She was bad-mouthing everyone who walked by her [in the police stationhouse]," says a witness. "She was saying 'I'm a star, you can't do this to me.'"

After Snooki was arrested, she unleashed a boozed-up, expletive-filled rant and attempted to use her newfound fame as a "get-out-of-jail-free" card.

BUT I'M FAMOUS! Amazingly, police were not swayed.

"You can't tell me what to do, I'm Snooki," she yelled at officers. "Do you know who I am? I am f*%king Snooki. You can't do this... I'm f*%king Snooki!"

"You guys are going to be sorry for this. Release me!"

Not surprisingly, her harsh language didn't do the trick.

The Jersey Shore star was carted off the boardwalk in cuffs as her oversized shades slid down her nose, as you can see in the hilarious picture above.

Guess they can in fact "do this."

Snooki's mug shot was later released, and it's funnier than some of the Jersey Shore quotes in last week's premiere (no small feat) ...

Snooki Mug Shot

WHAT A MESS: Snooki plastered in the middle of the day.

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The sixth season of The Bachelorette just concluded in astonishing fashion as Ali Fedotowsky actually picked Roberto Martinez as the man of her dreams.

The most stunning part was not that she let Chris Lambton go before the final rose ceremony to spare him the agony, but that she picked anyone at all.

For weeks, Bachelorette spoilers suggested that Ali is single - that she either chose no one on the dramatic finale, or had already broken up with Roberto.

Not the case.

As for the "shocking ending" promised by the teasers, the "huge risk" Ali took and the "unprecedented" nature of the finale? Now we know. It wasn't about the outcome, but how she handled hard-luck Chris in the final episode of the season.

Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez Pic

Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez hit it off from day one.

Having fallen in love with his rival, Ali cut Chris loose even before his "last chance" date, breaking the guy's heart, but earning his respect in the process.

Start the Make Chris Lambton The Bachelor petition now, fans!

This twist explains the glaring lack of footage of Ali and the guys at final rose ceremony in previews leading up to tonight, because Chris never made it. They couldn't show just Roberto Martinez, or it would have given it away.

And there you have the much-hyped breaking of rules by Ali Fedotowsky - letting Chris walk, laying it on the line with Roberto and hoping he felt the same.

He does. They are engaged and planning their life together.

The Bachelorette did an uncharacteristically good job of keeping the finale's outcome a mystery, from Ali's coy remarks about being "happy with her decision" to the lack of promos. Kudos to them and congratulations to Alberto.

We'll have complete coverage tomorrow and all week, but tell us quickly here: Are you happy with the ending? Will Ali and Roberto last?

 

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Since we definitely aren't exposed to Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian enough on Khloe and Kourtney Take Miami, we'll soon be Keeping Up some more.

A new season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians premieres August 22.

Try to contain the excitement of finally learning what these secretive stars are up to. We've barely heard from them since the last season ended. Suspense!

The first episode will show newly-single Kim moving into her new home, but fighting with mother Kris Jenner after she throws a housewarming party.

Guests spill food all over Kim's expensive rugs. Gripping television.

Signing Sisters

KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS SEASON THREE: GETTIN' KRUNK. That's not really what it will be subtitled of kourse, but a celebrity gossip site can dream.

In another scene, Kourtney - spoiler alert!!!!!! - moves out of the condo she shares with douchetastic BF Scott Disick and into Khloe and Lamar Odom's pad.

But the producer Kourtney decides she needs to move out once Khloe and Disick get into a screaming match and Khloe refuses to let him into her home.

Little sisters Kylie Jenner, who just debuted as a model, and Kendall Jenner, whose racy bikini pictures recently caused a stir - will have bigger roles as well.

The network says they're "no longer the quiet, young children they once were, and Bruce and Kris have their hands full with their youngest daughters' new career opportunities, first dates and not so lady-like behavior towards the paparazzi."

Kylie is 12 and Kendall is 14. Great values, E!

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Lauren Conrad is ready to re-enter the fashion scene.

After halting production of her first clothing line last year amidst the recession and a bleak retail landscape, LC has a new contemporary collection underway.

Britney Spears, Plaid Shirt

With the affordable Lauren Conrad Collection already being sold at Kohl’s, the former star of The Hills is starting a new line with several of her best friends.

“It’s a contemporary women’s line,” she said. “Where Kohl’s is a lot of daywear, it’s a lot of basics. This will be more specialty basics, more of a boutique line."

"It will be at a higher price point. It will be very different.”

Lauren Conrad's California style is a hit with teens and adults alike.

While the 24-year-old said her new collection is just getting started, but she can’t contain her excitement when it comes to working on a line all on her own.

“It’s one thing to work with a huge retailer like Kohl’s and there is so much you get to do, but there is a little more of a thrill of doing it yourself,” she said.

With greater responsibility and pressure comes greater reward, a fact that the budding designer is somewhat intimidated by, but mostly excited about.

Adds LC, who's also planning a new novel series, “It’s a lot more work, and it’s more stressful, but it’s something I love doing so I’m looking forward to it.”

So are we. Way to go, LC!

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The Charlie Sheen saga is about to come to an end, and sources connected to the case say a plea deal is almost done that will ensure he does not do time.

How did he swing such a sweet arrangement when just a few months ago, he was looking at at least 30 days behind bars, then a work-release program?

Somewhere, Lindsay Lohan wishes she hired Yale Galanter.

Yale, Charlie's lawyer, is hammering out a deal with prosecutors in which two options are still on the table, but neither includes jail time or much probation.

The judicial system at its finest, ladies and gentlemen.

Stogie Smoker

SMOKE 'EM IF YOU GOT 'EM: Charlie will stay a free man.

It gets better for Sheen. He'll plead to a misdemeanor, not a felony, and we'll get our fill of Two and a Half Men quotes - his work schedule won't be effected!

Charlie is en route to Aspen, Colo., where the incident with Brooke Mueller occurred. He and Galanter will meet with prosecutors before going to court.

If they cannot strike a deal, both sides will ask for a trial date, and likely continue to work behind the scenes to agree on terms that prevent the trial.

One thing's for sure: Galanter, who also reps Mueller, has worked some serious wizardry to orchestrate such a deal for Charlie if this comes to fruition.

** UPDATE: It's confirmed that Sheen will only spend time in rehab and domestic violence counseling. What a crock.

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Here's a piece of news more shocking than any CSI spoilers: Laurence Fishburne's teenage daughter is about to launch her career ... with a sex tape.

Montana Fishburne, who "works" under the name Chippy D, is starring in a sex tape for skin kingpins Vivid Entertainment. You can learn more here.

Montana Fishburne Sextape

The film is being released this month.

Montana talked briefly about her new gig last week, saying, "The first time is really nerve racking ... but, I have a lot of at-home experience." Nice?

Why would Montana Fishburne go this route at the tender age of 19? Well, she's seen the success of Kim Kardashian and what a sex tape did for her.

Seriously.

No word on how Laurence Fishburne feels about this.

"I've watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape," the youngster said in a statement.

Now that's the kind of person and career to which any teenager should aspire. Just hope Ray J doesn't make a cameo in Montana's on-screen debut.

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Miles Austin, step off. Your celebrity girlfriend has some competition.

Dallas Cowboys teammate Tony Romo, who has already dated Carrie Underwood and Jessica Simpson, is now dating former Miss Missouri Candice Crawford.

  • Kim Kardashian, Post-Meal
  • Candice Crawford Image

The sister of Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford happens to be Dallas sports reporter now. Conflict of interest much? Bet he gives her some real exclusives ...

... if you know what we're talking about!

Anyway, Candice was one of two special spectators this past Sunday at the Cowboys' practice: Kim Kardashian, Miles Austin's girlfriend, was also on hand.

Both watched practice from a private suite. Can the 'Boys succeed amid this media circus? Will Dallas fans throw Candice under the bus if they suck? Will the famed Kardashian title-delivering string of good luck continue? Time will tell.

The more important question is ...

Who's hotter?

 

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If any celebrity can make gray hair trendy, it's Lady Gaga.

The cover girl for September's issue of Vanity Fair is surprisingly subdued, at least when it comes to the subject matter. It's all about showing fans love.

"I want to say and sing the right things for you ... I want to make that one melody that really saves your spirit that one day," she says of her Monsters.

"I've looked every man I've ever dated in the eye and every woman I've ever been friends with. There will never be something I put before my fans."

"I don't want people to love me; I want them to love themselves."

Profound words from the rumored hermaphrodite as always.

Lady Gaga in Vanity Fair

GAGA FOR THE LADY: We are, because she doesn't hold back.

Other excerpts from Vanity Fair's sit-down with the singer ...

On a Birkin bag she took a Sharpie to: "My fans don't relate to it because it represents something they don't have... My fans are more iconic that this purse. I love fashion, but I don't love it more than my fans. That's what this bag is all about."

On her rowdy baseball game antics: "Of course I got drunk at Yankee Stadium ... My real fans know who I truly am, and they know what I represent and what I mean, and my music and my performance is what really speaks."

On sex: "I do f*%k, but I'm not promiscuous. I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone they're going to take my creativity from me through my vagina."

Alright then. Luc Carl, take note ... of whatever that means.

On her drug use: "I won't lie; it's occasional. And when I say occasional, I mean maybe a couple of times a year. But if you print that, I do not want my fans to emulate that. I don't want them to think they have to be that way to be great."

And there's Lady Gaga in a nutshell, folks. Gotta love her.

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Oksana Grigorieva continues to make shocking allegations against Mel Gibson, telling law enforcement that he hit his son and hurled a TV at his wife.

The actor's ex-girlfriend says she personally witnessed him hitting his youngest son, Tommy, and that Mel personally admitted the TV incident to her.

Mel's soon-to-be-ex-wife, Robyn Gibson, submitted a sworn affidavit to the court stating Mel was not abusive to her or his children once in 28 years.

But Oksana Grigorieva, who claims Mel punched her twice and that she feared for her life and that of their baby daughter Lucia, says otherwise.

The Russian singer and pianist alleges that Mel hit Tommy in the head while at a hockey game at L.A.'s Staples Center two-and-a-half-years ago.

“Oksana told authorities about Mel’s ‘angry outbursts’ toward his own family and friends,” said a source familiar with the Mel Gibson investigation.

An Oksana Grigorieva Image

Another disturbing day in the Mel-Oksana saga.

“She said that Mel, in her presence, hit Tommy, in the head, while they were in a box watching a hockey game. She said Tommy started crying and whimpered for the rest of the game, choosing to sit by himself, away from his father.”

Tommy was nine at the time. He is one of Mel’s seven children with Robyn, whom he split from in 2009. He got Oksana pregnant around that time.

As for the alleged attack on Robyn, a Russian newspaper quotes Oksana:

“Mel said several times how he threw a TV into her (Robyn) once when they were arguing. Thank god he missed and the TV fell out a second story window.”

Yes ... thank God he hurled a television set but happened to miss Robyn and it sailed through the window. Is there any way that's even remotely true? Would Robyn really forget that and/or lie under penalty of perjury if so?

This doesn't mean it's a lie that Mel abused Oksana, or that he doesn't need serious psychiatric help. Those rants prove as much. But it seems as if the deluge of tall tales and shady actions from her camp only make her case less credible.

 

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