Jersey Shore Season Two Premiere Recap: Gym, Tan, Smush, Huh?

by at . Comments

The greatness/awfulness that is Jersey Shore is back. As advertised, Season 2 features a new shore (pity Miami Beach), but the same crazy. And then some.

We were concerned that the cast's celebrity status would diminish the show's luster, but the genuineness of these characters (for better or worse) was there.

So was the entertainment. While predictable, it was great to have The Situation, Snooki, Pauly D, J-Woww, Ronnie, Sammi, Vinny and that other girl back.

Here's The Hollywood Gossip's scientific plus-minus recap ...

En route to pick up the Sitch, Pauly D sums up Northeast winters: "Can't do nothin' in this weather. Can't tan, can't creep ... Girls stay in the house." Plus 5.

A dark brown Snooki laments that she no longer tans since "Obama put a 10% tax on tanning." Pretty sure that doesn't take effect until like 2014. Minus 4.

Jersey Shore Season 2 Cast

JWoww and Snooki ridicule Angelina's self-proclaimed "Kim Kardashian of Staten Island" moniker. "With what ass?" JWoww muses. A valid point. Plus 3.

No one expected Angelina Pivarnick back this season. She awkwardly greets Pauly D and The Situation, who reluctantly let her bunk with them. Minus 1.

Down south, Snooki discovers "life-changing" fried pickles. They did look good. Plus 2. That dude in the restaurant gets a Plus 1 for his fist-pump, too.

Ronnie and Sammi reunite. The tension is thick, lame and boring. This is totally going to be a drawn-out, painful Audrina-Justin kind of thing. Minus 7.

Pauly D does a quick pro-con on the Angelina situation: She's annoying and causes drama, but there could be a slow night with no chicks, so ... Plus 18.

While the guys are awkward but mostly tolerant of Angelina, the girls are ready to full-on brawl. Holy crap, JWoww needs to lay off the steroids. Minus 5.

As a general rule, it's hard not to smile at what a blast the guys are having with this show. The girls, meanwhile, just come off miserable and catty. Even.

One of the Boys

Cons: Annoying drama queen. Pros: Easily accessible.

Lending a hand scrubbing in the sink after a DISASTER involving Sammi’s FAVORITE white shorts, Snooki says "I feel like a pilgrim from the freakin' '20s." Plus 6.

An intoxicated Ronnie calls Sammi an "ungrateful c**t" and says she will "never f*%king win." Win what, you effing moron? Get over yourself. Minus 13.

Vinny sums up the night: "Ronnie's obliviated at this point." Plus 6.

The Situation: "Ron is at the club hooking up with grenades, which is a bigger ugly chick, and land mines, which is a thinner ugly chick, and ... loving life." Plus 11.

Sure enough, Ronnie mauls one of each. Minus 8 for the nasty close-up.

An additional Plus 12 for the previews of future episodes. Wow.

TOTAL: +26. Follow this link for the night's best Jersey Shore quotes!

Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Avatar

i have yet to sit through an epdosie of this show. now mention teen mom on the other hand and you'll find me glued to the couch surrounded by doritos and water and vitamin water and chocolate bars and tissues. the guy and the 100 girls is just disgusting. he is a nasty.but what about snooki?? did you read that NYMag called her a "style icon" and equated her with Elizabeth Taylor?? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING. i spit my cereal all over my desk. jesus take the wheel. we're all going down!!xoxo,carrie

Avatar

love love love the show! all u guys rock

Avatar

OK seriously, does anyone know what brand Vinny's tshirt is in that pic? I LOVE it, want to buy for the bf.

Avatar

the fight that happened in the cab was like so f***ing unreal Jenni was telling Angelina that she was from Staten Island in a mean way like what the f**k was she thinking the gang are suppose to be having a good time.

Avatar

Ronnie has to learn to drink responsibly meaning not more then 2 beers, then Sammi would have not ended up seeing him drunk but the way I see it Ronnie was dancing himself away and having a great time at the night club.

Avatar

Sammi is like the hottest babe i've seen Ronnie and her shall remain together like shall he continue to take his juicehead gorilla vitamins? probably so. They didn't deserve to break up in season 2 in Miami unless Ronnie did something that Sammi did not like.

Avatar

tanning tax took effect July 1, 2010, thank you

Avatar

too bad there are no blondes, hispanics & asians in the show

Avatar

Yeah about the tanning tax, it went into effect July 1st of this year.

Avatar

The Jersey Shore f***ing rules man! Ronnie is the best, he's real fucker now, but i'm sure they're getting back together, him and Sammi, but i hope Ronnie and JWOW hook upa