Jake Pavelka-Vienna Girardi Interview Takes Over The Bachelorette, Defies Comprehension

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Last night's episode of The Bachelorette was essentially scaled back to an hour and 15 minutes to make room for the Jake Pavelka-Vienna Girardi smackdown.

This left us with two thoughts: 1. This could easily be a one-hour show every week, and 2. This interview was likely the greatest 45 minutes in show history.

There were so many ridiculous comments made and insults traded, The Hollywood Gossip has devoted a separate Bachelorette recap to their joint interview.

Our traditional Bachelorette rundown will follow shortly. Now, for the blow-by-blow of the much-hyped reunion that followed the Breakup of the Century ...

Future Mrs. Pavelka

Introducing the segment on a somber note, venerable host-pimp Chris Harrison pretends not to be ecstatic this fell in ABC's lap. What a great job. Plus 8.

Jake comes out to tell "his side" first. Jerry Springer-esque. Minus 4, if only because a screaming audience and/or chairs thrown would have enhanced this.

Oh, if you have this on DVR, have one person do a shot every time she says "fame whore" and another take one every time he says "undermined." Plus 10.

After Jake Pavelka says he was "blindsided" by the split, Vienna Girardi alleges "emotional abuse." Hard to tell who's lying more in the early going. Minus 3.

Jake seems genuinely surprised, even now, that Vienna is trashy and not that smart. Plus 4, because 10 million viewers knew this on his season's premiere.

We've never been big fans, per se, but when Jake starts being all condescending about text messages, her family, her dog, etc., we feel bad for V. Minus 7.

Vienna, on Jake complaining that she remeasured their room: "I never picked up a tape measure. I never picked up a tape measure in my life." Plus 12.

For whatever reason, they bleep out Gregory Michael's name, even though Vienna's alleged cheating with Gregory Michael was widely reported. Minus 18.

That story about Jake throwing the GPS into the back seat was pathetic and disturbing, but Minus only 5, because you know how guys are about directions.

Chris: "We don't really care about the dog." LOLOLOLOL. Plus 10.

Asked by Chris what they loved about each other, Jake says Vienna "challenged him." Plus 14, because he definitely just became "the biggest fake liar ever."

Jake: "I believe there is more to relationships than sex and intimacy." Like updating one's Twitter and going on as many reality shows as possible. Minus 9.

Near tears and vehemently denying Jake's accusations of her "flings with other men," Vienna asks Chris if she can take a "poly-o-graph" test. Plus 1,000.

How the HELL has Chris kept a straight face for a HALF HOUR? Plus 7.

When she interrupts Jake, in the midst of apologizing no less, he raises his hand in rage (not quite making a fist, but close) and berates her. Minus 250.

As she storms off in tears, Jake just shakes his head condescendingly. "There she goes again." How would these two EVER work as a couple?! Minus 40.

Minus 200 more, because as entertaining as this was, these morons both need to go away forever now ... and we have a strong suspicion they won't.

Wow. We always knew Jake was an uptight stiff, but we didn't peg him for a misogynistic a$$hole. We can't believe we're saying this, but ... Team Vienna?

TOTAL: +534.

Whose side are you on?

 

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Wonder why the comments here lean towards Vienna and the survey is overwhelmingly in favor of Jake?

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I have not been a big fan of this show by any means but my wife fills me in. lol. Saw the crazy interview and anyone who thinks that Vienna was sincere must be from another planet. Jake is right, any man would have pulled back emotionally if forced to live with a woman like that. But really he should have known better. I suspect that after the show was done he went back and watched all the episodes and realized what a two-faced cow Vienna really is. All you ladies think he was a pig but he sat there most of the time and bit his tongue while she told her story. When it was his turn she did nothing but interrupt him constantly. Notice a trend?

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Jake seems uncontrite, controlling, nit-picky, neurotic, and petty. He seems like he has a bit of a temper as he was constantly clinching his fists and jaw. Freak. I think Vienna pointed out a character in him that I always noticed was there. She showed him. It's rather funny. Tenley would have probably followed that asshole around like a puppy. Glad he didn't pick her, she is toooo good for him. He's psycho.

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Jake came across as a controlling,self loving fame whore. While Vienna came across as the Florida trailer trash that she is. I'll bet she's awesome in cutoff jeans with a Florida Gator tank top. But, why would an airline pilot pick a mindless piece of trash like Vienna out of the swamp? She's only good for one thing & apparently he wasn't even doing that. They're both stupid in their own ways.

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Neither! The Bachelor/Bachelorette are def guilty pleasures. TABLOIDS PLEASE STOP INTERVIEWING THEM!! THEY ARE BOTH OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO CAPITALIZE ON THEIR 15 MINUTES....and you only continue to feed into their plans. Jake: how could you possibly have not seen the obvious, when it was continually pointed out to you on your "show"? At some point, didn't you think...hmmm..ALL of the girls are saying this to me, COULD it possibly be true? And you yourself said, "I realize she's a little immature.." but your real colors came out, you are obviously not that nice guy you portray yourself to be. Vienna: While I can't know whether the things you say are true or not, MY GOD girl, you made yourself look even MORE foolish with all of that incomprehensible babbling! And your through with all of the "Hollywood" stuff? Is that why you auditioned for one of those tabloids? Please both of you, go away and live your lives.

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Well look who we have here. Another man that thinks he is high and mighty and there is a place for women. I wonder what stupid ace he will end up with because there is no doubt in my mind she will be clueless if he does get married. I really didnt care for Vienna during the bachelor but I see now that she definately has a heart and is clearly telling the complete truth and Jake is the TOTAL loser in this one. This TV stuff really got to his head. I dont blame Vienna for what she had to do because she already had a bad score from the public and in order for her to save herself she had to do this before he sabotage her more and played the "woe is me" card. Vienna is not stupid, she was making her next move, and wisely. You go Vienna. Jake, hate to tell you this but you just sabotaged your acting career before it even got off the ground. I wouldnt watch you if you were on Jerry Springer. hahahahaah

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Anyone else think Jake was about to rear back and slap her at the end?

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I mean if anyone watched that interview (reguardless if you like v or not) and didn't think Jake was an ass.... I really did not like Vienna at all durning the bachelor. However I felt so bad for her...there were a couple of times (ie..when she says she hates LA but is going to stay living there) I think she is asking for it, but bottom line Jake's true colors came out...what a total loser!!!!!

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You know, I know a lot of people hated her, but he always kind of creeped me out. He never seemed, well, normal, but I just chalked it up to the fact that no one on that show is normal. And yea, I am in the minority that thought Vienna, while a bit different, was awesome. I didn't expect, however, to come out of watching that interview completely despising him, though. He seems completely creepy. I've dealt with a lot of guys who are abusive or controlling in some way, and this interview made it loud and clear that he was one of those guys who seems sweet at first, but in the end is nothing more than a controlling a$$ with some serious problems. I hope people aren't too hard on her because wow... Jake is a piece of work.

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I alwayed love him he was hot but I didn't understand why they got married becuase she was sooo ugly for that hot chick!! =)