Jake Pavelka-Vienna Girardi Interview Takes Over The Bachelorette, Defies Comprehension

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Last night's episode of The Bachelorette was essentially scaled back to an hour and 15 minutes to make room for the Jake Pavelka-Vienna Girardi smackdown.

This left us with two thoughts: 1. This could easily be a one-hour show every week, and 2. This interview was likely the greatest 45 minutes in show history.

There were so many ridiculous comments made and insults traded, The Hollywood Gossip has devoted a separate Bachelorette recap to their joint interview.

Our traditional Bachelorette rundown will follow shortly. Now, for the blow-by-blow of the much-hyped reunion that followed the Breakup of the Century ...

Future Mrs. Pavelka

Introducing the segment on a somber note, venerable host-pimp Chris Harrison pretends not to be ecstatic this fell in ABC's lap. What a great job. Plus 8.

Jake comes out to tell "his side" first. Jerry Springer-esque. Minus 4, if only because a screaming audience and/or chairs thrown would have enhanced this.

Oh, if you have this on DVR, have one person do a shot every time she says "fame whore" and another take one every time he says "undermined." Plus 10.

After Jake Pavelka says he was "blindsided" by the split, Vienna Girardi alleges "emotional abuse." Hard to tell who's lying more in the early going. Minus 3.

Jake seems genuinely surprised, even now, that Vienna is trashy and not that smart. Plus 4, because 10 million viewers knew this on his season's premiere.

We've never been big fans, per se, but when Jake starts being all condescending about text messages, her family, her dog, etc., we feel bad for V. Minus 7.

Vienna, on Jake complaining that she remeasured their room: "I never picked up a tape measure. I never picked up a tape measure in my life." Plus 12.

For whatever reason, they bleep out Gregory Michael's name, even though Vienna's alleged cheating with Gregory Michael was widely reported. Minus 18.

That story about Jake throwing the GPS into the back seat was pathetic and disturbing, but Minus only 5, because you know how guys are about directions.

Chris: "We don't really care about the dog." LOLOLOLOL. Plus 10.

Asked by Chris what they loved about each other, Jake says Vienna "challenged him." Plus 14, because he definitely just became "the biggest fake liar ever."

Jake: "I believe there is more to relationships than sex and intimacy." Like updating one's Twitter and going on as many reality shows as possible. Minus 9.

Near tears and vehemently denying Jake's accusations of her "flings with other men," Vienna asks Chris if she can take a "poly-o-graph" test. Plus 1,000.

How the HELL has Chris kept a straight face for a HALF HOUR? Plus 7.

When she interrupts Jake, in the midst of apologizing no less, he raises his hand in rage (not quite making a fist, but close) and berates her. Minus 250.

As she storms off in tears, Jake just shakes his head condescendingly. "There she goes again." How would these two EVER work as a couple?! Minus 40.

Minus 200 more, because as entertaining as this was, these morons both need to go away forever now ... and we have a strong suspicion they won't.

Wow. We always knew Jake was an uptight stiff, but we didn't peg him for a misogynistic a$$hole. We can't believe we're saying this, but ... Team Vienna?

TOTAL: +534.

Whose side are you on?

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ok so v actually, for money sold their most intimate details to a tabloid for a good sum of cash!!!!! that right there says alot about her integrity. he maybe a fame whore, but he only went to the tabloids after she did! america new she was trash, he made his bed and he made a huge mess of it, they both need to take themselves out of the lime light!

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wow...poor vienna??? Come on...get real. Vienna wouldn't even let Jake finished a sentence...If this is how it is when the camera is rolling...how bad can it get behind the camera.!!!... perhaps jake should show a little more manner...but can't blame him for losing his temper... Vienna wants a normal life...not in a hollywood spot light...??? really...if that is really true... what make you think you would have a normal life..normal relationship after you went on in front of a millions people trying to find love.. Once a person is known thru TV... chances of having a normal life is pretty slim....learn how to accept the fact would help vienna...

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look, i know everyone hates vienna--
but arent you glad jake picked her instead of bullying tenley? he is a freak and an abuser,
and if he had been with tenley,
she would have let him walk all over her.
like how on the boat he said he didnt have a physical attraction to her.
she was just like "oh. i thought we did" in her cute squeaky voice imagine how bad her life would be right now!

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gosh, jake was so horrible.
yes, i admit, vienna was getting annoying by interrupting him,
but does he really have to scream about it? and when you are on tv, you put on an act that you are a better person than in real life--- so if screaming is his act, how do you think he treats vienna on a regular basis. and also, vienna NEEDED a job. so who cares where it is?
its the first thing she found
and just because its still in L.A.
doesnt mean shes a bigger fame whore than JAKE (asshole)

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He was witholding sex, and then whining that the chick cheated, plus throwing things? What if the guy had been getting no sex, how long would have have held out...we know the answer.

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do people actually watch this crap? these are a couple of fame hungary douchbags beeing paid way too much money to do these interviews. it's gross.

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Hello, Well for the women out there...if you have ever dated a wonderfull a...hole, then you will identify right away with this issue. Jake picked V or Tenley so he could have an excuse to get
out of this relationship...Jake never had any intentions on marrying V...he knew just what he was doing.

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I think that's why Jake picked Vianna instead of Ali. He saw that Ali had to much class and too many brains to put up with such a controlling ?man. At first I just thought it was lust, but after listening to V last night, I think Jake is gay, and was just using the show to get into the spotlight like Justin the Wrestler. Vianna said he hasn't flown a plane in over a year, what kind of pilot is that. I truly hope that Hollywood drops him off their radar screens. God bless you Ali, someone was watching over you when you were on the Bachelor. Good luck and pick Roberto!

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I am a woman and what I saw was Vienna being a controlling immature brat. Very black and white\all or nothing thinking. She sold her side of the story to a tabloid BEFORE she even broke up with him. Michael Gregory (the guy she says she only danced less than 9 seconds with) just said in an interview that they made out that weekend. Hello??? And Jake is seen as a liar?? Jake only found out about all her conniving low blow tactics right before the reunion show. She interrupted him every time he tried to talk. Even I would emotionally disconnect from the conversations at times if I was constantly interrupted. Then when that doesn't work, she cries and runs away. Jake showed his true colors all right, he should he has way too much class to insult her by being emotionally manipulative. I think Vienna will try to spin this as the pure poor victim. Now that she isn't genuinely hurt, but she was way over the top. Hopefully, the media will soon tire of her.

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Um, he does come across as a gigantic a-hole and I would never want to date him... BUT She's the most immature idiot I've ever seen. Stop interrupting him and acting like a moron. Ridiculous.

The Bachelor Quotes

There’s still a lot of growing to do in our relationship. We will not tie the knot until I am mentally and physically prepared as well as Matt.

Shayne Lamas

It was a fairytale proposal like I’ve always dreamed about. I forgot that there [were] cameras around. In that moment, it was just Matt and I and it was the most amazing moment of my entire life.

Shayne Lamas [on proposal by Matt Grant]