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The long-awaited Mindy McCready sex tape (don't act like you weren't wondering about it) is on the verge of being released, and its premise is far from unfunny.

With Mindy McCready, Baseball Mistress, the troubled singer joins the ranks of sex tape purveyors like Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Shauna Sand, and so on.

The funny thing about calling it Baseball Mistress - besides that Mindy McCready has a sex tape at all - is that it's a reference to her affair with Roger Clemens.

The steroid fiend and MLB legend is not featured on the tape, of course. Minor detail. Still, McCready donned baseball-themed garb for the cover, so ... yeah:

Mindy McCready Sex Tape

The affair that rocked baseball? The testimony that shocked Congress? Okay, those things apply to Roger Clemens. The raw sex that started it all? Not sure how that does.

We have to guess that Vivid Entertainment, which has set an April 19 release date for the Mindy McCready sex tape, will be hearing from Rog's lawyer Rusty Hardin.

Then again, he isn't mentioned by name, and who knows, maybe he already gave his consent in exchange for a cut of the profits. Dude's image kind of took a hit.

The video features McCready and a boyfriend named "Peter," and in addition to the feverish body slapping, McCready offers commentary about previous conquests.

Her bedpost notches include Alan Jackson, Dean Cain and, of course, Clemens. No mention of Kari Ann Peniche, whose Eric Dane tape Mindy's accused of stealing.

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It seems like a year ago that Carrie Prejean found herself in hot water for comments she made regarding her opposition to gay marriage at the Miss USA pageant.

That's because it was a year ago, and what a year it's been for the hypocrite since, getting engaged to Kyle Boller and stripped of clothes and a Miss California title.

An Awful Human Being

As much as we'd like to forget Carrie Prejean even exists, not everyone is willing to. Particularly not the PR firm that would like to get paid for services rendered.

One of the tamer Carrie Prejean pictures out there.

Prejean hired A. Larry Ross Communications, which billed over $64,000, last year to help with image and public relations consulting after her gay marriage mess.

She has yet to pay the bill.

Consequently, the PR firm has filed suit against the painful Prejean looking for their money. We'd love to say there's no way she could talk her way out of this, but this is Carrie Prejean. Consider who you're dealing with for a moment:

She basically tried to argue that God loves fake boobs.

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While Jesse James mistresses continue to come out of the woodwork, scorned Sandra Bullock has been living in her Hollywood Hills home - alone - for a week.

That's just a few miles from the house she shared with her husband, and the newly-crowned Oscar winner has gone to great lengths to stay on the down low.

Sandra Bullock and Jesse James Picture

Wednesday, Sandra left the Hollywood Hills house she's living in now (and lived in before marrying Jesse), taking precautions before heading to ... the garage.

Two of her assistants held up a tarp to block any shot from cameras.

Somebody appears quite serious about her privacy right now, and given the things her jackass husband is accused of, it's pretty much impossible to blame her.

Leave him, Sandra. Don't pull an Elin.

Sandra has rarely left, although various people have come in and out. She has not been back to the Orange County house where Jesse lives since moving out.

According to sources, Sandra has no plans to return there unless he's gone, either. Although he released a vague apology, that apparently hasn't been enough.

There are rumors circulating that Bullock has met with divorce lawyers, though her rep has shot those down. You wonder if it's only a matter of time, however.

While she has not commented at all publicly, it looks like she's sending a very clear message to James. Similar to the one Michelle McGee sent to the haters.

Sandra Bullock should ...

 

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Her friends think Lindsay Lohan is going to die. Apparently some law enforcement officials have been similarly alarmed at her condition and share that sentiment.

Police officers who routinely come in contact with Lindsay - the fact that they do at all tells you something - say they have thought about forcing her to get help.

Cops, unsurprisingly, see Lindsay at her worst - late nights and early mornings when she is absolutely plastered needs assistance avoiding celebrity gossip media.

Some authorities quoted by TMZ cite Lindsay's "erratic behavior" and "attitude," both of which have grown progressively worse over the last several months.

According to reports, during one of Lindsay's crazier nights out recently, the police became so concerned they discussed taking her in for a 5150 evaluation.

Also known as the Britney Spears psychiatric hold.

On the Verge

BORROWED TIME: Lindsay's living on it. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Officers on the scene ultimately decided against it, as she didn't meet all the criteria for a 5150. The train wreck could still take care of herself ... technically.

Over the weekend, we reported that professionals and confidants close to Lindsay fear she's going to die if she doesn't get help for substance abuse ... now.

Here's hoping she heeds the warnings and ends up like Britney - alive, well, and with a career that's as successful as ever, as opposed to the fatal alternative.

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Who the heck is Pixie Lott, THG asked after reading the story summarized here.

A pair of celebrity gossip photographers battled physically - one's in jail for suspected battery and the other's in the hospital - for a shot of ... Pixie Lott.

That's right, it was all-out bedlam at LAX airport and neither Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Lady Gaga or Lindsay Lohan were involved in any way.

Rather, it was Pixie Lott, a 19-year-old British singer and actress, who was the target of the photography madness ... and is now on THG's watch list.

Signed to Island Def Jam when she was just 15, Pixie (a.k.a. Victoria Louise Lott) released her debut album, Turn It Up, in September to general success.

In addition to having a track featured Private Practice, Pixie's fourth single, "Gravity," was released a few weeks ago and has been climbing the download sales chart.

She was also recently rumored to be dating Joe Jonas ... who's dating Demi Lovato. But still, being involved with a Jonas brother is pretty sweet as rumors go!

Looks like photographers aren't the only ones interested in her, either. Pixie will be opening for Rihanna in the U.K. in May. Imagine what the paparazzi will do then.

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Jennifer Aniston looked absolutely ravishing at the Paris premiere of The Bounty Hunter ...save for the heinous salmon-colored Christian Lacroix dress she wore to the Paris premiere of The Bounty Hunter. Man, Jen, what are you thinking?!

Fortunately, most peeps, THG interns included, were busy picking apart body language from Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler to see if they were holding hands or whatnot, but that dress ... its fishy awfulness almost cannot be understated.

Minka Kelly Emmys Dress

The bold color choice gets our respect ... in theory. In practice, it just doesn't work, right? You tell us. Vote in THG's fashion survey below and see if you agree ...

What do you think of the salmon-colored dress?

 

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Tiger Woods plans to return to golf at the Masters in Augusta, Ga., on April 8.

Elin Woods plans to skip that if at all possible, according to various reports.

The golfing great's scorned spouse has been weighing whether to attend the tournament, which would be a very public display of support for her husband.

That's obviously just the scenario Tiger's camp would like to see happen at the event, according to a source, who declined to say if Elin is still wearing her chastity belt of spikes, but notes that his pressure alone won't make her decision.

On the contrary, even:  "Elin does not want to go to the Masters and is preparing for a trip to see her family and friends in Sweden," an insider dished.

Will Elin Woods have Tiger's back, or turn hers on him?

"She is also being asked by Tiger to attend the Masters, even if for only half a day, to look like she is interested in supporting Tiger's return to golf."

"But really, she would rather not be there."

Instead, the source believes the intensely private Elin will continue to keep a low profile and fly a commercial airline to Sweden, where her family lives:

"Tiger's [private] plane is too 'in your face' for her now. She does not want to go to Augusta, and it is easier to be far away than home in Orlando."

While things appeared to be going well for the couple, committed to living together and rebuilding his image, things took a bad turn at some point.

We're guessing it was around the time when Joslyn James unleashed a slew of Tiger Woods text messages upon the world. Angry, filthy sexts, too.

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Are Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush not actually broken up - or at least on the cusp of a reconciliation? You bet, according to a source claiming: "It's not over ­ yet!"

Of course, this source has no name and is quoted by Radar Online, reigning celebrity gossip kings of vague "exclusives" that are impossible to prove or disprove.

Another Red Carpet

However, it does coincide with other reports that suggest whatever broke the couple up might be repaired in the near future. "They are not done," the source said.

"They have problems but they still love each other. I won't be surprised to see these two get back together in a few weeks." Or if they don't ... it's open-ended.

If they do patch things up, however, it's all on #25. "Reggie is going to have to make the first move," the source predicted. "She will wait ­ and he will come."

That was also the tagline of the Ray J sex tape. Sorry. Not really.

Will Reggie and Kim be back together soon? Are they even apart?

Kim's former New Orleans Saint was embroiled in an alleged cheating scandal early last week after being linked to blonde January Gessert, despite the fact that:

  • January is actually dating his friend, his rep says
  • He and Kim were already broken up supposedly

Gessert reportedly stayed at his house (with the friend, his rep says) after they met at Sunset Strip bar Red Rock, sparking gossip that Reggie cheated with her.

Reggie personally took to his Twitter to protest his innocence and deny any cheating, writing: "Clarification 4 the dummies aka the media, January is a long time friend of mine & has been dating my best friend for 6 months. Sorry! Lol!"

LOL, indeed. According to a close confidant, that Tweet "was meant for Kim more than anyone." If that were true, wouldn't he just text or email her? Just asking.

Speaking of Twitter, Kim Kardashian posted a couple of (what else) Kim Kardashian pictures from this past weekend. There is cleavage showing. Click to enlarge:

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The Hollywood Gossip has had its share of fun at Charlie Sheen's expense, and given some of the actor's recent antics, it hasn't been entirely undeserved.

Still, we have to give him credit where it's due, and agreeing to go on Family Guy, which has ridiculed him and Two and a Half Men for years, was classic.

Sunday evening, animated Charlie and Jon Cryer came to watch Brian's terrible sitcom's television debut, at which point the following exchange happened:

Brian: "Hey, what's the cast of Two and a Half Men doing here?"
Charlie: "You're always saying our show sucks. Let's see yours."

Charlie Sheen on Family Guy

Touche. You have to love Sheen going on, after so many Family Guy quotes have mocked him, to basically mock Brian's show within the show. Awesome.

We're guessing, however, that if the Fox show featured Charlie Sheen drunkenly threatening Brooke Mueller, he may not have been as amenable to appearing.

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Katy Perry had an action-packed night at Saturday's Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards, presenting an award to Miley Cyrus, getting slimed hard core and laying a kiss on the hot piece of baby-faced prepubescent hotness that is Justin Bieber.

She's not afraid to suggest, half-seriously, that she would totally go there.

Hands in His Pockets

"Told you I would tap that. Yummy," the 25-year-old said on Twitter.

Katy's got the picture to prove it, too. Prepare to be jealous, girls:

Katy Perry would hit that ... but really, what girl wouldn't?

Because Perry is engaged to Russell Brand and Bieber is just 16 going on 10, this relationship would likely never work. But check out that look in her eyes?

She's totally thinking about going statutory, and who can blame her? Better not cross him, though, or the lil' pip squeak will diss her like he did Mariah Carey.