John Mayer Refers to Jessica Simpson as "Sexual Napalm," Uses the N Word

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In a new interview with Playboy, John Mayer makes sure to say that he's NOT a douchebag.

He then spends the entire interview proving why so many people consider him to be a giant douchebag.

We'll let Mayer dig his own douchey grave below, as he recounts what it was like to sleep with Jessica Simpson and why he and Jennifer Aniston broke up...

On sex with Simpson: That girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy... It was like sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f*ckin' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*ck you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f*cking you.'"

On Aniston: That woman was the most communicative, sweetest, kindest person.

On their break-up: There was a rumor that I'd been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter... She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction.

THG note: In other words... that was it.

Douche on the Mic

On current sex life: I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don't like jumping through hoops.

On NOT being a douchebag: From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the s*** out of me. I've been trying to prove to people I'm not a douchebag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That's f*cked up, man. I'm not dating. I'm not even f*cking. So now I'm going to experiment with 'f*ck you.'

John, your dating life has nothing to do with the public's perception of you. What might make people think you're a douchebag?

Rambling, nonsensical interviews about masturbation and sexual napalm that make you sound like an attention-hungry tool. Or, to use a more apt description: a douchebag.

** UPDATE: WHOA! New excerpts from the interview have been leaked, and they paint Mayer as far more than just a douchebag. Read below.

Mayer: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.

Playboy: Because you’re very?

Mayer: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a n*gger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’"

Playboy: Do black women throw themselves at you?"

Mayer: I don't think I open myself to it. My d*ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a f*ckin' David Duke c*ck. I'm going to start dating separately from my d*ck.

THG note: What the heck is wrong with this guy?!?

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wow, I wonder how the interviewer got through all those questions with a straight face. That's talent. Mayer's such a loser.

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Just so that people understand, Mayer got his popularity in the black community because of his skit on the Chappelle Show, period. I think it would do him well to remember that and know that he can lose it just as fast as he got it. I'm personally not going to his upcoming concert here in Vegas now.

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Hey Pak31, I never said I respected him at all. You say "He's definitely not a down to earth, nice human being. He's in love with himself way too much." which is WHY I find him so gosh darn entertaining. I love to hear these celebs say the most outlandish sht to try and stay relevent (eg: Tila). Their deperation = my entertainment. Any more questions?

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he just loves saying outrageous bullsh*t in order to get attention...
anything, even using the N word he is just so desperate for attention, and he thinks he can pull off this sarcastic and witty intellectual thing, but he really can't...simply because he isn't.
he is not smart, he is not interesting, and he is not funny. he also most definitely is not good looking. I am convinced that he got his arm tattoo in order to copy ville valo, who actually has some intellect and wit, not to mention loads of sex appeal. if you don't know who ville valo is, you should, because he is some sweet man candy! =D

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John Mayer's tattoos alone make him a d-bag even before he opens his yap. He is a great guitarist but it shames me that he doesn't carry himself like a "great guitarist" should. He is like a Quarterback that puts down all of his teammates after winning the game.

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Wow..........really John?

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I never understood the fascination with him, I don't find him the least bit attractive nor do I like his singing. Then to see what he says about women, his language and his general self centered arrogance, it just seals the deal for me. What a scum bag. Notice none of the relationships failing had anything to do with him. To Gina, how can you have an ounce of respect for a guy that talks like this, who does he think he is. If you think this is entertainment, then that is scary. He's definitely not a down to earth, nice human being. He's in love with himself way too much.

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Agree! Any woman who hooks up with him from here on in does not get an automatic sympathy pass. Cue the outrage! for his using the N-word in 5, 4, 3...

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I'm counting the hours until Mayer and Jon Gosselin become a gay couple. They're soul mates.

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You know...I can't help but love him. His music is on point and everything, but the sht that comes out of his mouth is classic. I don't think of it as being douchy, I think of it as entertainment. Before I thought it was rude how he kissed and tell, but these women know what he is about now...if they go to him, its thier own fault.

John Mayer Biography

John Mayer With Long Hair John Mayer is a singer, songwriter, guitar player and Grade A douchebag hailing from Connecticut. The cheesy musician has become a major... More »
Born
Birthplace
Bridgeport, Connecticut
Full Name
John Clayton Mayer

John Mayer Quotes

The feathered cut projects an attitude of ease and quiet confidence that seems to have all but eluded our generation. This is a work in progress, and as my hair grows longer it will serve to become a more stirring and poignant statement.

John Mayer [on haircut]

To adults who will vote for him, Barack Obama represents a return to prosperity. To the youth, he represents an introduction to it.

John Mayer