John Mayer Refers to Jessica Simpson as "Sexual Napalm," Uses the N Word

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In a new interview with Playboy, John Mayer makes sure to say that he's NOT a douchebag.

He then spends the entire interview proving why so many people consider him to be a giant douchebag.

We'll let Mayer dig his own douchey grave below, as he recounts what it was like to sleep with Jessica Simpson and why he and Jennifer Aniston broke up...

On sex with Simpson: That girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy... It was like sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f*ckin' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*ck you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f*cking you.'"

On Aniston: That woman was the most communicative, sweetest, kindest person.

On their break-up: There was a rumor that I'd been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter... She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction.

THG note: In other words... that was it.

Douche on the Mic

On current sex life: I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don't like jumping through hoops.

On NOT being a douchebag: From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the s*** out of me. I've been trying to prove to people I'm not a douchebag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That's f*cked up, man. I'm not dating. I'm not even f*cking. So now I'm going to experiment with 'f*ck you.'

John, your dating life has nothing to do with the public's perception of you. What might make people think you're a douchebag?

Rambling, nonsensical interviews about masturbation and sexual napalm that make you sound like an attention-hungry tool. Or, to use a more apt description: a douchebag.

** UPDATE: WHOA! New excerpts from the interview have been leaked, and they paint Mayer as far more than just a douchebag. Read below.

Mayer: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.

Playboy: Because you’re very?

Mayer: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a n*gger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’"

Playboy: Do black women throw themselves at you?"

Mayer: I don't think I open myself to it. My d*ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a f*ckin' David Duke c*ck. I'm going to start dating separately from my d*ck.

THG note: What the heck is wrong with this guy?!?

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"oops" I meant kooky

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John Mayer is trying to be funny - he's a cooky guy - reminds me of my humanity - we're not all that that we can't cook out once in awhile.

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Ewww. I would be so embarrassed to be one of his ex-girlfriends. I have been boycotting his music for years, and encourage others to do the same. He's not going to go away until the consumers make it clear he is not welcome!

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I dont know his personal life, i think hes just trying to be funny and have a laugh. and this interviewer is trapping him!
going to see him at win stadium...........Love the music!

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This guy needs to shut his ignorant trap and play the guitar. Kiss and tell ended back in high school and he loses credibility each time he opens his mouth. He's definitely earned the title of douchebag. Every time a microphone is presented to him, he blabs about his private sex life and says the stupidest sh*t. Jessica's father, Joe Simpson should should shove his guitar up his as* and a microphone down his throat while he chokes on his own teeth.

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He just needs to go away. Far, far away. What a jerk. What did someone like Jennifer Aniston see in the guy? She's WAY too good for this tool of a human being. I don't even like Jessica Simpson, she's a total dip, but to talk about her like she's just a sexual object is offensive to every woman on the planet. Does he think she would be flattered? The guy is a complete narcissist.

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WOW....REALLY? does he think he's smart? As a black person I'm kind of offended(rightfully so)...I've never walked in a restaurant(living in Mississippi for 20 years) and been told "we're full" simply because I'm black...he needs to put the cocaine down for 5 seconds and realize that these comments aren't winning him any fans..

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This creep makes dog poop look good. Any girl that is stupid enough to be seen within 20 feet of him has to be brain dead.

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I HOPE HIS DAVID DUKE, WHITE-SUPREMACIST DICK UNDERGOES A REVERSE-RACIST LYNCHING.

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I LOVE JOHN MAYER!!!!! :)

John Mayer Biography

John Mayer With Long Hair John Mayer is a singer, songwriter, guitar player and Grade A douchebag hailing from Connecticut. The cheesy musician has become a major... More »
Born
Birthplace
Bridgeport, Connecticut
Full Name
John Clayton Mayer

John Mayer Quotes

The feathered cut projects an attitude of ease and quiet confidence that seems to have all but eluded our generation. This is a work in progress, and as my hair grows longer it will serve to become a more stirring and poignant statement.

John Mayer [on haircut]

To adults who will vote for him, Barack Obama represents a return to prosperity. To the youth, he represents an introduction to it.

John Mayer