John Mayer Refers to Jessica Simpson as "Sexual Napalm," Uses the N Word

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In a new interview with Playboy, John Mayer makes sure to say that he's NOT a douchebag.

He then spends the entire interview proving why so many people consider him to be a giant douchebag.

We'll let Mayer dig his own douchey grave below, as he recounts what it was like to sleep with Jessica Simpson and why he and Jennifer Aniston broke up...

On sex with Simpson: That girl is like crack cocaine to me. Sexually it was crazy... It was like sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f*ckin' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*ck you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f*cking you.'"

On Aniston: That woman was the most communicative, sweetest, kindest person.

On their break-up: There was a rumor that I'd been dumped because I was tweeting too much. That wasn't it, but that was a big difference. The brunt of her success came before TMZ and Twitter... She saw my involvement in technology as courting distraction.

THG note: In other words... that was it.

Douche on the Mic

On current sex life: I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don't like jumping through hoops.

On NOT being a douchebag: From now on I’m just going to pretend that people really dig the s*** out of me. I've been trying to prove to people I'm not a douchebag by not dating, by keeping my name out of Us Weekly. That's f*cked up, man. I'm not dating. I'm not even f*cking. So now I'm going to experiment with 'f*ck you.'

John, your dating life has nothing to do with the public's perception of you. What might make people think you're a douchebag?

Rambling, nonsensical interviews about masturbation and sexual napalm that make you sound like an attention-hungry tool. Or, to use a more apt description: a douchebag.

** UPDATE: WHOA! New excerpts from the interview have been leaked, and they paint Mayer as far more than just a douchebag. Read below.

Mayer: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.

Playboy: Because you’re very?

Mayer: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a n*gger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’"

Playboy: Do black women throw themselves at you?"

Mayer: I don't think I open myself to it. My d*ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a f*ckin' David Duke c*ck. I'm going to start dating separately from my d*ck.

THG note: What the heck is wrong with this guy?!?


Rachel, your sooo right on!!


I'm glad I never liked John Mayer's music for the most part. To speak so vulgarly....Hollywood Gossip you should have saved us from him, by not reporting about him..goes to show Jennifer Aniston has no real taste in men..except for Brad Pitt..and hopefully, the irish guy is o.k......


He has done several remakes of classic songs, and they stink, so whenever he comes on the radio, I switch stations. I would characterize his singing as over indulgent and sappy. I also think that Jennifer Aniston is awesome, way too nice and attractive for a butthead like him.


He has no respect for woman. Any man who put his business out there like that is nothing more than a dog. He is not a very good looking person. He can't even dress. Heck he is nothing, but some dog do on my shoes..............


Sara, Sam, & Sorry, thanks for the laugh! He is a dickweed.


Now I now why Jennifer and Jessica took a runner. He is a fool and a tool.


I dislike John Mayer and his music but I refuse to hate him more for using the "N" word. When "they" stop using it, that's when it starts becoming inappropriate. Until then, everyone of every race has the right to use it.


He's pathetic. His music is very boring, too. You're just not that great, guy. Grow up already, or go die at least.


I've been a huge fan of JM's and accepted the fact that he says whatever he likes. And I liked the brutal honesty, but now I just wish he would shut up and play his guitar. I think that the reckless way he talks about women and everything is disrespectful. I understand he's sorry but he should stop trying to put on a cool guy who's not afraid to say anything. It sounds lame, but he would be such a great guy if he was himself and didn't try to put up a facade. I know that he's an excellent musician, but being a celebrity means that you have to be somewhat of a role model and responsible. I hope that this has been a wake up call and he can finally get himself together.


WOW! What a disappointment he turned out to be! As a woman of African descent, he's just another stupid man to be thrown in a heap, a man who does not define me with his interpretation of beauty. Thank God there are good men of integrity who think and feel with their hearts. I thought he was one of them but I'm wrong. His talent is pure ... his heart and head is full of crap.


John Mayer Biography

John Mayer With Long Hair
John Mayer is a singer, songwriter, guitar player and Grade A douchebag hailing from Connecticut. The cheesy musician has become a major... More »
Bridgeport, Connecticut
Full Name
John Clayton Mayer

John Mayer Quotes

The feathered cut projects an attitude of ease and quiet confidence that seems to have all but eluded our generation. This is a work in progress, and as my hair grows longer it will serve to become a more stirring and poignant statement.

John Mayer [on haircut]

To adults who will vote for him, Barack Obama represents a return to prosperity. To the youth, he represents an introduction to it.

John Mayer