Tori Spelling to Pen Third, Useless Memoir

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It's one of the most embarrassing facts we've ever come across:

Each of Tori Spelling's first two memoirs ranked on New York Times-bestsellier's list, with Mommywood and sTORItelling combining to sell over 800,000 copies.

While our staff racks our brain to come up with a single reason why anyone would care about this washed-up actress' take on family life, we're sad to report that she isn't done. A third book, tentatively titled unchartered terriTORI, is scheduled to hit stores in June.

"I love sharing my stories and experiences with people and connecting to them on both a humorous and emotional level," Spelling told People. ""Whenever something happens that makes me laugh or if I remember something in the middle of the night that I want to share, I jot the experience down."

Tori

Expect the nauseating tome to cover tabloid scrutiny of Spelling's weight; her contentions relationship with mother Candy; and life with husband Dean McDermott.

Other rumored titles for the book include:

  • TORIble: My Guest-Starring Stint on 90210
  • Self-ExplanaTORI: Stuff I should have said in my previous two memoirs
  • DefamaTORI: A shameless attempt to cash in
  • An ObligaTORI Attempt to Remain Relevant
  • Downward TrajecTORI: My Career in a Nutshell
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Tori Spelling Quotes

She was a star and a true lady, and she will be missed greatly. People everywhere knew her by name. I loved when fans wanted her over me. I felt proud!

Tori Spelling [on dead dog]

I've always wanted a little girl since I'm such a girly girly. I immediately started crying. I couldn't believe it. I have my beautiful little boy and now I'll have my little girl! It's amazing.

Tori Spelling