Two episodes of Jersey Shore? Back to back? Double fist-pump! The Hollywood Gossip has all the action from Seaside Heights recapped below as only it can.
Last night's seventh and eighth episodes of the season took the trashiness to a new level. Below, we award and deduct points as we deem fit. Let's get to it:
As the first hour gets going, Snooki catches the eye of an attractive non-guido, "Cowboy." He seems to take a liking to her for reasons unknown. Minus 3.
Mike is tapping some trashy chick in the hot tub when Snooki and the Cowboy break it up. That's right, Snooki just cock-blocked The Situation. Plus 10.
We thought the trash bag's friend coming to collect her was a dude. Minus 2.
Sammi lets Ronnie out of his cage for once. The Situation decides to stir up trouble by ratting him out for talking to some girl. D!ck move, Mike. Minus 4.
Vinny makes a booty call. Duck phone stizzyle.
The Situation doesn't like Vinny mackin' in on his sister. He also doesn't like Vinny ditching her for the boss' girl Tanya. It's a total Catch (Situation?) 22. Plus 6.
Later, Mike pulls a robbery on Vinny's fake-breasted butter face trash bag, leaving V stunned. What a c*ck, but Even, because you gotta respect the execution.
As if Mike hadn't alienated enough people in one night, he refuses to walk JWoww home from the club because he's workin' on the nightly trash bag. Minus 5.
Plus 10 for JWoww pimp-slapping his ass at home.
Pauly D must confront a Stage 5 Clinger in some Israeli girl that is stalking him. Minus 7, because deep down he was into it and this was kind of wasted time.
Plus 3 for the hilarious phone impression of The Situation in an attempt to throw her off the trail, though. This guy's got The Situation quotes down pat.
The Situation was cruisin' for a bruisin' last night.
Bored and determined to become the most hated man in N.J., Mike plants pickles around Snooki's room. Minus only 1, because a pickle sucker might like that.
Ronnie confronts Mike about his crush on Sammi. Mike says it's obvious "Sammi has a crush on me... it goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten." Plus 12.
After some dudes make fun of Snooki (a recurring theme in New Jersey and across the world), Ronnie gets arrested after he takes exception and knocks one of 'em the f*%k out. Minus 15, because the 'roid rage is off the hook with this guy.
TOTAL: +4! SEASON: +46! We wonder if Mike is really just a caricature of Mike, and doing everything he can to act like a jackass. Either way, we'll totally buy it.