Saying Jersey Shore is a bad show is an understatement, and kind of missing the point. MTV is in on the joke this time, and turning the trash quotient up to 11.
The Hollywood Gossip staff has reviewed last night's episode in the style of our The City and The Hills reviews, awarding and deducting points as we deem fit.
Leave a comment with your own pluses and minuses, and your feedback in general. If our Jersey Shore review "gels" with you, we'll make it a regular thing...
Last week's episode was "The Tanned Triangle." Like the Bermuda Triangle, only less mysterious, and more exposed to the sun. Tanning bed style. Plus 2.
Jenni, like, doesn't even remember that she hooked up with Pauly. Did she forget running out da club with his sweaty tank top, too? Minus 3, you lush!
Angelina's friends are Alana and Elena. We're not sure if all "guidettes" must elect names ending in "na" to gain acceptance, but we'll buy it if so. Plus 2.
Gelled but contemplative, Pauly says she didn't want to come off like a "trash bag." Wrong show for that, sister. Minus only 1, because it's all relative.
We're only gonna say it once, because it applies every second: These guidos have enough oil in their hair to join OPEC! Sorry. Plus 2 for us going there.
HERE'S THE SITUATION: No, really. That's his name now.
Mike, a.k.a. The Situation, can't get over Sammi, a.k.a. Sweetheart, trading him for younger, more ripped guido Ronnie. It's everyone's worst fear. Plus 3.
When Nicole, a.k.a. Snooki, comes off as the smartest, reserved and polite, our society may be done for. Or at least New Jersey may be over as a state. Minus 5.
Trying (in vain) to navigate BF drama amid the Pauly hookup, Jenni says she's been "acting like a nun" and needs to party! So virtuous, indeed. Plus 11.
Angelina's boyfriend Mike makes an appearance. The distance thing is hurting their relationship. The fact that he's married can't help either. Minus 17.
Angelina decides to call in sick from work ... only she doesn't call, she walks in late to tell them ... she's not coming in. LOL. Minus 5, because these people are obviously buffoons, but you'd think they'd have heard of an invention called the phone.
Plus 12 for the house's collective reaction to Angie leaving. That reaction being no reaction. Not even getting up off the furniture. It's an emotional crew.
Sammi + Ronnie = Real. His word, not ours. Plus 6.
Jealous, Mike unveils "The Situation." Sammi doesn't flinch. Minus 3, but Plus 9 later when Ronnie grinds with some chick, Sammi gives her number to a strange guy in retaliation, Jenni sees this and rats her out, and Ronnie leaves in a huff.
TOTAL: +13! While advertisers and locals may not be fans, you can see why Jersey Shore has already attracted a so-bad-it's-good following. Thoughts?