Kirstie Alley got really fat, lost some weight and then got fat again.

In this day and age, that's all it takes to land your own reality show.

Variety confirms the former Cheers star and Jenny Craig spokesperson will anchor a series (literally!!!) that chronicles her struggles with weight loss and being a single parent.

"Kirstie is exactly the kind of star A&E is drawn to," said an executive, without a hint of shame or irony. "Her personal life has been playing out in the media for years, but this will be the first time she'll be opening up her home to reveal her real life for the cameras."

Real life for the cameras? That seems as oxymoronic as plastic silverware, lucid Lindsay Lohan, humble Jon Gosselin or gentle Chris Brown.

Unwanted photographers get the finger from Kirstie Alley. Reality TV cameras that only film scripted segments of her life get full approval, however. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsonline.com]

Sources say Alley will launch a weight loss program as the cameras roll; while the aforementioned article notes she'll be:

"Producing a feature film, patenting multiple inventions, working hard to raise two normal Hollywood teenagers, taking care of eight ringtail lemurs and, on top of everything, looking for love."

Wait... she's looking for love? We have two words for Kirstie: Jake Pavelka.