The Hills Recap: "Mess with Me, I Mess with You"

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On last night's season episode of The Hills, Kristin and Justin-Bobby took their fake relationship to the next level, while Speidi argued about kids a lot.

Below, The Hollywood Gossip staff reviews the most recent memorable installment of MTV's "reality" hit, awarding and deducting points as it sees fit ...

Stacie to Kristin: "We're two, like, kinda bitches." So true, and so right. Plus 4.

These girls have really long, fake-looking hair. Except Jayde. She rules. Even.

Heidi Montag thinks having a child will "mature" Spencer Pratt. This logic is comically flawed, but is just the sort of thing an airhead like Heidi would actually believe, and she's far from the only woman to think this, so ... Even.

Lo seems a little uncomfortable at lunch with Kristin, twirling her hair like a madwoman. Kristin Cavallari trying to act makes us squirm, too. Plus 3.

It gets worse when Kristin says she'll mess with Audrina if she messes with her. Does MTV just hand Kristin a pile of quotes, all pertaining to bitchiness and being the girl version of a player, and tell her to work them in? Minus 5.

Speidi has neighbors. They look nice. We feel sorry for them. Minus 2.

Audrina Patridge invites the gang to an Epic Records concert event at an L.A. club. Yay, obvious but effective cross promotion! Vedera was pretty good too. Plus 2.

Props to Stephanie Pratt for flat-out asking what the band looks like and not even feigning interest in the music. Plus 2. Plus 3 more her disgust when it's a chick.

Chiara sighting! Plus 1.

Spencer Pratt on children: "I can barely be around adults, how am I supposed to be around kids?" Plus 8. Side note: How cute is the lil' neighbor kid Enzo!?

Later, the evil one tells his baby crazy wife that he wants to get his "tubes tied like tomorrow." Much like when a guy we knew in college used to say chicks wanted to "bone" him, we're not sure that phrase works for a guy. Minus 2.

Justin-Bobby arrives with Kristin - clean shaven, with his shirt buttoned all the way up, wearing suspenders - then slow dances and makes out with her. Who slow dances at a club? What is this, Laguna Beach senior prom? Minus 9.

OMFG is Justin-Bobby really wearing a sparkly, motorcycle helmet?!? He is. Minus 6.

Finally, the quote of the night goes to Casey Patridge: "Justin's a douche." Close second? Jayde Nicole, re: Kristin: "Omigod I can't stand her!" Plus 12.

TOTAL: +11! SEASON TOTAL: +20! The Hills can annoy the crap out of you sometimes, and may be totally scripted, but man, this show still entertains.

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Miranda

I agree Spencer and Hidi should never have kid those kid would be worse than the Gossilin kids

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I get that this show has always been fake, but is seems like it is more scripted than ever.

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Are you serious...Jayde is the worst, followed by Audrina...they both suck.

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Justin Bobby makes me throw up a little bit, each time I see him....he looks like he stinks, breath & all. Is it me or did Brody look like he was a gang banger, the flannel plaid shirt is scarey...esp when you add the bouffant, combed back dracula 'do....eek...Kristen just needs her ass beat, she is a skank ho

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whatever its all fake there lunch date was hard to watch and I think I saw a cue card hahah....I want to see Christen and Broady hoook up lol

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they should never ever have kids. spencer wouldnt be a good dad.

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Haha :D I'm curious!

Kristin Cavallari Biography

Kristin Cavallari... Nude Kristin Cavallari is a Laguna Beach alumna, controversy magnet, former girlfriend of Brody Jenner and Nick Zano, and celebrity gossip... More »
Born
Birthplace
Denver, Colorado
Full Name
Kristin Elizabeth Cavallari
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