Say what you will about him, Jon Gosselin does not half-ass anything.
He's promised fireworks this afternoon if Kate tries to stop him from seeing their twin girls on their birthday (happy birthday, Mady and Cara!), and he's launching a full offensive on both the talk show and celebrity news tabloid circuits.
Jon is apparently telling friends that his estranged wife Kate - whom he has dubbed "monster mom" - is not only a raging b!tch, she's abusing their kids.
"Jon says she spanks the kids all the time," a source says.
"All she has to do is look at them and they get scared."
We remember when Kate spanked Leah over the summer. Scary stuff. No wonder Jon is doing what he can to protect his kids and look out for their best interests.
Oh, who are we kidding. He's primarily out for (dun dun dun) ... REVENGE!
We've got to get these two into a cage to settle this for good.
One of Jon's moles tells Us Weekly that Kate "kicked a lego building into a million pieces because the boys didn't put it away the first time she asked them to."
Kate Gosselin also "barely talks" to her children, while "the nannies are doing 95 percent of the work. Kate has a short attention span. Everything upsets her."
To be fair, Jon isn't that much better. A source actually says he overheard him ask a member of the paparazzi what time his own kids get home from school.
He also "gets annoyed when they interrupt him if he's on the phone."
What's more, Jon instructs photographers to yell certain things at his ex to really get under her skin, while Kate throws temper tantrums and cries in her car.
Perhaps best of all, Jon Gosselin is supposedly planning a "F*%k you, Kate" party for when the divorce is final. Hey, the kids already hate him, so why not?
Whose side are you on?