Freddie Fackelmayer: The Lamest Fake Boyfriend Ever

Seriously, MTV? This is the best you can do?

We realize The City is as scripted as The Hills, and you need to dig up a nice fake boyfriend for Whitney Port to date and pretend to make things interesting.

Laughably obvious as this strategy is, it at least makes sense to a certain degree. Deciding on Freddie Fackelmayer as the guy to fill the role? Not so much!

First, as N.Y. Magazine puts it, the commercial real estate broker has glaringly white bleached caps that "elevate his fake tan to Oompa Loompa proportions."

LOL, because that's not even that big of a stretch.

Clad in baby blue and pink, he is "a modern-day Nantucket-dwelling Poseidon who just body surfed from New England to Manhattan on a wave of hair gel."

It's hard to even take Freddie Fackelmayer seriously.

One could overlook these superficial flaws if Freddie Fackelmayer made up for them by being at all interesting. But he may be the most boring individual ever.

Moreover, he elevated his second-date awkwardness on this week's The City by bringing along his father, Fridolin (?!) to dinner with Whit without telling her.

Always a winning strategy, right girls?

Even though it's her own fault for agreeing to fake-date Freddie, we still felt bad for Whitney Port after the snobby dad patronized the living $h!t out of her.

No wonder they already broke up.

Maybe we're way off base, but somehow we doubt it. We need your opinion, ladies: Is Freddie Fackelmayer at all appealing, or as big a tool as we think?

Tell us: Would YOU hit it?