Welcome, celebrity gossip obsessives, to The Hollywood Gossip's Week in Review.
Below, we take a look back at the stories that made this easily the most exciting week since ... well, since last week. Some of the major highlights:
- The Eclipse characters of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are engaged!
- The Hills Season 5 trailer was released, and the drama looks fake as ever.
- Gabriel Aubry got Halle Berry pregnant again! Congratulations to those two!
- In related news, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar are expecting baby #19. 19.
- Levi Johnston said Sarah Palin wanted to adopt baby Tripp and keep Bristol's pregnancy secret, then quit as Governor to get rich. Sounds about right.
- Chris Brown told Larry King he didn't even remember beating Rihanna, then later clarified and said that yes, of course he remembers pummeling her.
- The official release date for Adam Lambert's debut album was announced. Idiot protesters still feel the glam rocker is some sort of rebel against God.
Adam Lambert is hugely popular ... save for his insane detractors.
- Jon Gosselin hosted a pool party in Vegas, then sat down with Good Morning America to bash ex-wife Kate as a grating harpee who neglects their kids.
- Speaking of Good Morning America, Whitney Houston's comeback fell flat.
- Maia Campbell apparently exists. And stars in this apparent crack video.
- Tony Romo is dating Candice Crawford, sister of Gossip Girl star Chace.
- Jon Voight is losing it, and not exactly what we'd call a fan of health care.
- Michelle Obama's hair sparked debate, as it does on a recurring basis.
- On a similar note, Paris Jackson's new haircut sent security scrambling.
- Her dad, Michael Jackson, was finally laid to rest in a private funeral.