by Free Britney at . Comments

Reality TV's most overpaid airheads (and that's saying something) return to MTV tonight as The Hills kicks off its new season. Or "bonus episodes" of the current season five. Whatever you want to call it, it's back at 10 p.m. EST.

The City follows at 10:30 p.m. EST.

In preparation for the return of its contrived cash cow, the network has released a slew of promotional images of the cast. Some are older pictures, but most are new and feature stars who will now be playing new and/or bigger roles.

Specifically, Kristin Cavallari joins the cast and pretends to be interested in Justin-Bobby to piss off Audrina Patridge. Also, Stacie the bartender is apparently getting her own promotional photos now. This is "reality" TV at its finest.

Click to enlarge the pictures below. Who's your favorite Hills star?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

On the same day he got fired off the TLC show that made him famous, and Kate Plus 8 was born, Jon Gosselin is finally owning up to some of his actions.

The womanizing father of eight has opened up to In Touch Weekly and said:

“I regret my conduct since Kate and I separated [on June 22]. I used poor judgment in publicly socializing with other women so soon.”

Yes, Hailey Glassman. He said women. Sorry, but you haven't been the only one to go to this Jon.

Jon Gosselin is sorry for being an insensitive jackass. Do you forgive him?

Jon also asked a court-approved Pennsylvania arbitrator to suspend his divorce proceedings for 90 days this morning, but experts doubt this is a sign that he and Kate Gosselin will reconcile.

An insider close to the situation told E! News the legal move was "not an emotional or romantic decision." Instead, the source says it's "both a legal and PR strategy meant to force Kate to deal with Jon on many important issues relating to the welfare of his children."

Hey, at least he's aware he has children! That's a pleasant change from the way he's been acting for the last few weeks.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Spencer Pratt has never actually gone away.

While a new season of The Hills kicks off tonight on MTV, the ridiculous reality star and wife Heidi Montag have rarely gone more than two days all summer without making headlines.

Still, during an interview with The New York Post, Pratt felt the need to announce his return to television by going off on a classic rant against Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian; while also comparing himself to a certain U.S. President. He said:

"Speidi is Barack and Michelle famous, not Kardashian famous! The fact that USA Today said we're the third most famous couple in the world after Brangelina and The Obamas is amazing."

Red, White and Speidi

As for Lauren Conrad, it's safe to say Spencer thinks her decision to exit The Hills was a mistake.

"Her ego ruined her life and her career - I pray for her every day and we'd all love for her to come back to The Hills when she realizes her move didn't work. She tried to put MTV over a barrel by demanding more money than God."

Audrina Patridge also has plans for her own reality show. How do you feel about that, Spence?

"The day she can hold 22 minutes of content with her brain, is the day I'm walking on Mars with no oxygen tank barefoot. Unfortunately, Audrina will have to wake up from that dream soon!"

You gotta love Spencer Pratt. Or maybe you don't. Do you like the attention-grabbing star?

 

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Hours away from the season premiere of The Hills, Kristin Cavallari has two messages for viewers:

  1. She isn't dating John Mayer;
  2. She's very misunderstood and nice.

First things first: Cavallari, who was rumored to be dating the douchey singer, told Ryan Seacrest on his radio show today that she's only met Mayer once - and she turned down his advances.

"I didn't want to be another notch on his belt," she said, taking an indirect shot at Minka Kelly, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston and the other gorgeous stars that have somehow fallen prey to Mayer's guitar-based charms.

  • Quite Douchey
  • Howdy, Kristin!

Both John Mayer and Kristin Cavallari deny they have ever touched the other one's private parts. [Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

As for The Hills, rumors don't link Kristin to Audrina Patridge; quite the opposite, in fact. The two are reportedly sworn enemies.

"I get along with everybody except for Audrina," Cavallari admits. "I don't not like Audrina. I don't think she likes me."

The same can be said for viewers of Laguna Beach, the 2004 series on which Cavallari originally starred. She claims she broke down in tears the first time she watched her appearance on the former MTV hit.

"I was really upset they portrayed me the way they did," she said.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Over the last few weeks, Levi Johnston has given the world his original, hilarious take on Sarah Palin.

On November 17, the former governor of Alaska and current cult-like figure will release her own story, as Going Rogue: An American Life hits stores earlier than originally announced.

It will go up against the release of Kris Allen's debut CD that day.

Palin as a Mother

Some Republicans, and ALL Democrats, hope Sarah Palin is a nominee for President in 2012.

The 400-page memoir from HarperCollins was essentially penned by ghostwriter Lynn Vincent.

Palin was likely too busy shooting wolves from helicopters and believing in the unproven premise that abstinence education leads to fewer pregnancies.

Among the topics expected to be covered in the tome are:

  • Palin's life as a beauty pageant contestant;
  • Her selection as Vice Presidential running mate by Jon McCain;
  • Daughter Bristol's pregnancy;
  • A passionate defense of Alaska's proximity to Russia;
  • The main reasons why Katie Couric is a stupid head;
  • An English translation of her Gubernatorial resignation speech.

We may have made a few of those up.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

DJ AM did not commit suicide.

A New York City medical examiner has determined the cause of death for Adam Goldstein, who was found dead in his apartment in late August, to be an accidental overdose.

According to the medical examiner, the technical reason DJ AM passed away was due to "acute intoxication, caused by the combined effects of so many drugs in his system. These included: cocaine, oxycodone, Vicodin, Ativan, Klonopin, Xanax, Benadryl and Levamisole.

The manner of death is listed on the official report as "accident (substance abuse)."

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Great news for Jon Gosselin: he'll soon have more time on his hands to flirt with anyone with boobs and possibly get into Las Vegas threesomes.

The attention-starved, vagina-hungry father of eight has officially been axed from the TLC series that made him famous, as the network announced this morning the show would only feature Kate Gosselin.

As of November 2, it will be titled Kate Plus 8.

"Given Jon's recent antics, there was no way the show could continue to portray him as a doting Dad, not while all this other crap was going on," a source told People.

Hello? Major Douchebag Here

After Jon and Kate announced plans to separate in June, the series took a six-week hiatus and returned on August 3 to just 4.3 million viewers. Since then, Jon has gone public with his relationship with Hailey Glassman and said he despises his ex-wife.

"Given the recent changes in the family dynamics, it only makes sense for us to refresh and recalibrate the program to keep pace with the family," TLC president Eileen O’Neill said in a statement. "The family has evolved and we are attempting to evolve with it; we feel that Kate’s journey really resonates with our viewers."

Moreover, O'Neill implies, Jon Gosselin is a giant douchebag.

Will you watch Kate Plus 8?

 

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Are you ready for the next chapter to begin, Twilight Saga fans?

Earlier today, Summit Entertainment released the latest trio of New Moon posters, each featuring the tagline: The Next Chapter Begins.

While not as hot as the series of New Moon set photos leaked online earlier this month, the promo pics below feature all the key players in the upcoming movie.

There's Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson as Bella and Edward, respectively; Taylor Lautner leading the Wolfpack as Jacob; and a red-eyed Dakota Fanning standing in front of the Volturi. Click on each for a larger version...

Which new poster is your favorite?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

A few days ago, in front of thousands of audience members, Miley Cyrus pretended to get railed from behind on stage.

The pop icon will continue this sexual theme in a few months, as the rumors of a cameo in the May 2010 Sex and the City sequel have been confirmed by GossipCop.com.

According to that website, Cyrus appears in one scene, donning the same outfit to a red carpet event as Kim Cattrall’s character, Samantha.

In the current script, Mario Cantone’s Anthony notices the coincidence and exclaims: “Mother of God:  She is wearing the same dress as Hannah Montana.”

A True Diva

Will Miley Cyrus make, or ruin, the Sex and the City sequel? [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

The scene doesn't call for any dialogue from Miley, thank goodness. Producers likely didn't want any whining or self-centered Tweets to ruin the movie.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Thank goodness for the return of The Hills to MTV tonight.

It's been at least a few days since we last saw Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, as the duo raked in thousands last week for a staged photo shoot on the beach.

In order to hype the new season of the least realistic show on TV, Heidi gave an interview to British magazine Closer and dished on fake breasts, her fake husband her photoshopped Playboy cover...

On the Playboy shoot: "I wasn't nervous because I'd got my body and mind into shape for it. My aim is to become an iconic sex symbol and the Playboy shoot is the first step. I wanted to be toned and curvaceous with a nice butt; I didn't want to lose weight and look skinny."

On her breasts: "I'm a C cup, but I want to upgrade to a DD cup. I have a curvy butt now and bigger boobs will enhance my shape."

Giant Boob

Heidi Montag blows a fake kiss, from her fake lips, which sit a few inches above her fake boobs.

On her atrocious Miss Universe pageant performance: "I know my skills and talent. I'd never performed in front of so many people, let alone a billion watching me on TV. Afterwards there was a lot of negativity on the Internet, but I deal with it. It happens to everyone like me and I can only do my best and feel happy."

On future Speidi offspring: "I'd love children, but Spencer doesn't. Hopefully that will change though."

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