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Finally, Spencer Pratt is echoing the sentiments of his harshest critics: all agree that the publicity-loving son of Satan should not bear any children.

Unfortunately for Heidi Montag, though, this means missing out on intercourse with her husband; because, as Pratt told The New York Post, he doesn't trust his wife.

"I'm not even kidding, but we're barely having sex because I'm scared that she's gonna have a baby," Spencer said. "That's the level our marriage is on right now. I'm not even kidding – my wife has me debating cutting off my nuts."

But, wait, isn't Heidi on birth control? Yes. However, this union is so strong and healthy that Spencer thinks she might stop taking the pill, spread her legs and not tell her man.

"She's not the kind of person who would lie – she would just walk away and not answer the question," Pratt said. "I'm very concerned. Our sex life has dramatically changed recently."

How is Spencer coping with the lack of sex? He's spending every waking hour ogling Montag's Playboy cover. Each page of her photo spread is likely very sticky at this point. (Sorry.)

In other news: Pratt also mocked Joel McHale, host of E!'s The Soup, because he always makes fun of Speidi. Spencer referred to McHale as "a struggling wannabe actor just clowning on reality stars," making it clear he's never heard any hilarious Community quotes.

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On Tuesday night's season premiere of The Hills, Kristin Cavallari made her presence felt early and often. Amazing what huge paychecks and scripts can do. Meanwhile, Spencer put a deposit on a house without telling his duck-lipped plastic wife.

Below, The Hollywood Gossip staff reviews Kristin's first episode of MTV's long-running "reality" TV series and awards and deducts points as it sees fit ...

The last-season-in-review montage showing Lauren Conrad departing airs, with Kristin as the show's new narrator. That's cold $h!t, MTV. Cold. Minus 2.

The girls sit around, reading cue cards and giving us the 411 on Kristin Cavallari, who they've just been informed will be on The Hills ... and will be their new friend, apparently. Hey, at least their disdain is for real. Plus 5.

Why would Spencer assume Kristin would go after Justin-Bobby, who looks homeless and by all accounts does not bathe, of all the people at the party? What about Frankie Delgado or Sleazy T? This whole scenario is so ridiculous. Minus 16.

Plus 9 for the obligatory Brody Jenner shirtless and sleeveless shots, and Plus 2 more because Jayde Nicole shows no signs of Joe Francis whomping on her.

Newlywed Heidi Montag says her goal in life is to keep her husband happy. Spoken like a true feminist. Cook, clean and break out the knee pads, Heidi. Minus 5.

Kristin to Audrina: "Your sidekick is yappin' her mouth at me!" Ten seconds into the season and she already knows the role of Stephanie Pratt. Plus 4.

LMAO moment: What in the effing hell is Spencer wearing when he and Heidi pretend to go house hunting? Why are his jeans tucked into his boots? Minus 1.

Stacie the bartender calls Audrina a stage-five clinger. Plus 2 for Stacie's unexplained, contrived appearance on the show, which is not even attempting to seem real at this point, and Plus 2 more for the use of Wedding Crashers quotes.

Even Kristin's voice sounds fake, like she's trying too hard to sound overly dramatic on her "date" with Justin-Bobby. Give us a freaking break. Minus 3.

Spencer puts a deposit down on a place without telling Heidi, who hates it. The more things change, the more they stay the same (and obnoxious). Plus 12.

Fittingly, the quote of the night goes to Kristin Cavallari: [on being a Capricorn] "I'm stubborn ... organized ... I have the BEST bed." Words fail us. Even.

TOTAL: +9! The Hills is what it is. If you can get past how obviously staged it all is, there's still a lot of drama and entertainment value to be enjoyed.

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Last night on the season premiere of The City, Whitney Port was greeted by old friend Roxy Olin, who she tried to help find a job at People's Revolution. Meanwhile, at Elle, Olivia Palermo clashed big-time with new boss Erin Kaplan.

Below, our staff reviews the first episode of the new iteration of MTV's Whitney-centric Hills spinoff, awarding and deducting points as we deem appropriate ...

Whitney Port, Jay Lyon Photo

In the opening intro, Whitney reflects that nothing is the same as when she first moved to New York. In other words, MTV revamped the whole thing. Minus 2.

Roxy Olin makes her grand entrance two seconds in. Peeps are sure to mention her first and last names whenever they reference her. Solid marketing. Plus 3.

Whitney lives in the West Village now. Even, since both that area and Gramercy Park are quite trendy. Just pointing out that EVERYTHING is SO different now.

Olivia Palermo was apparently retained, and got a job at Elle magazine. Erin Kaplan is introduced as her boss. She's a tough cookie! Must. Create. Conflict. Minus 1.

Erin and her boss discuss how they're going to "break" Olivia and knock this "social" off her high horse. We're holding out hope for full-on hazing. Plus 6.

Whitney and Roxy meet for lunch and talk about how great it is to be single. Roxy reminds us a little of Stephanie Pratt. That's not a compliment. Minus 8.

Roxy may have been onto something when she bashed Whitney's fashion sense. Whit's outfit on the roof is heinous. Plus 1 in any case, though, because she's just so cute talking about how she doesn't want to annoy the neighbors.

"Do your job," Olivia instructs Erin, having been at Elle herself for like a day. Minus 3 for her pompousness, and Minus 2 more for The City casting another Erin right after Whitney's friend Erin Lucas got axed for being dull. Confusing!

Kelly tells Whitney Port that she hopes her friends are worth it and treat her as nicely as she treats them. Words to live by from sage Mrs. Cutrone. Plus 7.

Five guys and 30 girls at Roxy's party ... What's the opposite of a sausage-fest? Plus 3 for the girl who complained about this, but Minus 5 for the neighbor who called the cops on a pretty tame gathering. How lame is Whitney's building?

TOTAL: -1. Not the worst we've ever seen by far, but The City 2.0 still needs to step it up and decide what the heck it is before it becomes a must-see.

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In the 1991 comedy, Necessary Roughness, Kathy Ireland portrayed a college football team's kicker.

Last night on Dancing with the Stars, however, it was this former model that got the boot.

Jitterbugging

Following a paltry 18 point-performance on Monday evening, Ireland was eliminated from the show's ninth season. But she took the news well, saying afterward:

"There is so much to take away from this experience. I wouldn't change a moment of it, [including] the fact that I got to learn how to dance from world champion Tony Dovolani."

Tom DeLay managed to survive yet another week on the show, generating rumors that the disgraced former Congressman is rigging the votes somehow.

Joss Stone, Selena Gomez and even the USC Marching Band all performed on this week's results show.

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Adam Lambert finished second on season eight of American Idol.

But not even Kris Allen can stand in the way of the singer's ascension to the top spot on Amazon.com's bestseller's list.

Fans are pre-ordering Lambert's debut CD - scheduled for a November 24 release - in droves. It's outselling albums from artists such as Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston and Susan Boyle.

Huge Smile

Have you pre-ordered Adam Lambert's debut album yet? If not, you're in the minority!

Indeed, Lambert has a number of reasons to smile. His relationship with Drake LaBry is going well, and he seems poised to break numerous records for one's first-ever CD.

The crooner himself would never say it, but it's all a great, giant Eff You to the close-minded bigots that have been protesting his concerts. Stay strong, Adam! We can't wait for your album.

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Based on its impressive ratings to so far, millions of people around the country love The CW's Vampire Diaries.

But there's one important individual that is especially pleased with the series: L.J. Smith, the author that penned the novels on which this small screen version is based.

"I think they have done an incredible job of interpreting it, especially presenting it for a teen audience," she told MTV. "I love the music. I love the cinematography, I think the cast is fabulous. I especially like Damon. Ian Somerhalder does very well. But I really, really like the Elena that they picked, Nina Dobrev... she's a great actress. And I love the Stefan that they've picked."

We love them all, too, but we're especially taken with Somerhalder.

Facing inevitable comparisons to Robert Pattinson and the Twilight Saga, Somerhalder has created a unique character, one that can go from sweet to savage in seconds. These screen shots are a great example:

  • Ian as Damon
  • Fangs Bared

You really don't wanna make Damon Salvatore angry; or hungry, for that matter.

Have you been watching Vampire Diaries? Are you happy with it?

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Eddie Furlong is best known for playing John Connor in Terminator 2.

But dealing with dangerous cyborgs to sent to kill him may have been a more pleasant experience than the actor's divorce proceedings with Rachael Kneeland.

In court documents, Kneeland claims her soon-to-be-ex used drugs, attacked her and threatened her life; charges that Furland's rep, R.J. Rousso considers outlandish.

Rachael Kneeland

"Mr. Furlong vehemently denies all allegations that have been made and is currently working with his legal team to have this temporary restraining order extinguished," said Rousso. "Unfortunately, the two parties are going through a very contentious divorce and custody battle. Eddie's main concern is his son, Ethan, and moving forward with his life."

Rousso adds that his client has been sober for five years.

Continue Reading...

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Lauren Conrad is already gone.

Audrina Patridge is set to say farewell.

And now Stephanie Pratt says she ready for life beyond The Hills.

“I think Audrina, Lo and I are all going to leave after these 10 episodes,” Pratt, who appeared on last night's season premiere, told Hollyscoop.com. “I don’t know how much more I can take of The Hills... The Hills is very brutal.”

Yeah. We can only imagine the pain that $65,000 weekly paycheck must cause.

Stephanie insists she won't be exiting the show "because of [Kristin Cavallari]," saying: “I was going to stay and see what happens after these ten episodes, but I just don’t think I can stand The Hills anymore."

That's how most viewers feel about her Satanic brother. Will you miss Pratt when she's gone?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

There were 250 guests, a camera crew and a $4,500 hairstyle on the bride.

However, many sources are claiming last Sunday's wedding between Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom was not legally binding because the pair is still working out a prenuptial agreement.

But the groom, new to the world of celebrity gossip, takes exception to this rumor. At a press conference at the Lakers' media day Wednesday, the power forward told reporters:

"It's crazy how perception works in America when you're looking at things from the outside. Anybody that was there will tell you that it was a beautiful event and it was real."

Yes, Lamar Odom spoke on his wedding to Khloe Kardashian at Lakers' media day. Los Angeles fans hoping for back-to-back NBA titles ought to be thrilled about that.

Wedding Pic

[Photo: OK! Magazine]

Meanwhile, those that weren't important enough to see the ceremony in person can tune in to E! on November 8 for a special episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

In related news, viewers that actually do this will need to get a life immediately afterwards.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Embroiled in a public relations nightmare, a freakishly-dressed, possible Hermaphrodite might not be the first person we'd want in our corner.

But Kanye West has few friends these days, so he'll have to settle for Lady GaGa.

Speaking to a Las Vegas radio station today about the rapper, who is still receiving flak for his crashing of Taylor Swift's VMA speech two weeks ago, GaGa said:

"I would say he’s a good guy and everybody makes mistakes, and he feels so f-cking bad. He really does... Everyone likes to focus on gossip, but he’s changed music and he’s really prolific and an incredible person, and I think it’s unfair to judge somebody on one mistake they’ve made.”

  • Wasted Kanye
  • LG Pic

West and Lady GaGa are set to tour together, so she has a soft (likely, poorly-dressed) spot in her heart for him.

“He’s really kind of shown me a lot, as a friend, planning this tour - it’s all about the fans... I felt like that [VMA] moment really portrayed him in a way that he really isn’t. It was just a random moment.”

What do you think, readers? Is it time we forgave Kanye and moved on?

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