Jessica Simpson: The New Queen of Pathetic
by Free Britney at .Who does Jessica Simpson think she is, Jennifer Aniston?
Just when you thought Jen had the sad, lonely and pathetic title wrapped up, Jessica is making a quality run at the crown so far this year. Wow, things have gone from bad to worse for the alleged singer and actress, starting in January ...
Attempting to embark on a country music career for some reason, Jessica was "sad and hurt" after fat photos of her at the 99.9 KISS Country Chili Cookoff in Pembroke Pines, Fla., surfaced. Fat or not, those mom jeans are freaking atrocious.
A month later, Jessica "performed" on Good Morning America and hit a "technical snag." The next week, she forgot her own lyrics during what will forever be known as the meltdown in Grand Rapids. Well, to our staff members at least.
Jessica signs on to do The Price of Beauty, a show that no one intends to watch, if it even airs features her traveling the world to examine what women do to feel pretty. Snooze. She should start with a series on her own lip injections.
The night before her 29th birthday in July, Tony Romo dumped her, a heartbreaking move compounded by the fact that he's now dating Candice Crawford, which supposedly prompted her to seek out this douchebag for comfort. Sad.
Despite all of that, she at least had her beloved maltipoo, Daisy. Well, she did until this past week, when the pup was snatched by a coyote before her eyes. She held out hope that Daisy wasn't devoured, but finally accepted her fate.
Keep your pets leashed on walks, people.
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Comments (13 Total)
This is so funny. And Terminator made me laugh so hard with his comments. It really does seem that karma is really biting Jess hard in the ass. But that is so devestating that the dog that Nick gave her which was so adorable was taken from her before her eyes. Just terrible.
THIS WHOLE SUBJECT IS A JOKE. I DON'T THINK IT'S FUNNY TO POKE FUN ABOUT THE DOG. NOW AS FAR AS JESSICA, HOW MANY YEARS ARE WE GOING TO HEAR ABOUT HER NOT BEING ABLE TO KEEP A MAN? THIS IS GETTING TO BE BAD AS THE JOHN AND KATE DRAMA... JESSICA NEEDS TO LEAVE HER DADDY OUT ..
This was awesome! The only thing you forgot to add to her list of failures was getting dumped by Columbia Nashville, making it official...nobody wants to hear her sing in any genre. Soon you'll be able to add that reality show nobody will watch. As far as the dog goes, she's probably happy somebody is talking about for a reason other than being a fat, stupid, failure.
I'm done being bitchy to Jessica. She had too much fame, too fast and it really messed her up. She lost touch with her foundation. No one should lose a beloved pet that way - I'm heartsick at what happened. I can't have kids and my furry friends have helped so much. I hope Jessica gets on a good path, and that she knows a lot of us are really sad and sorry for the loss of Daisy. Who knows if a leash could have saved her?! Coyotes are fast and they can be scary. My condolences. And you guys? Lay off of her. At least on this.
This was really funny! The comments defending Jessica Simpson are all Joe Simpson, and who cares if he "dumps this site if he finds something like this again". I'll be back...you guys are hilarious. Thanks for telling it like it is about this no-talent, tubby, dog neglecting,brain dead loser, Jessica Simpson.