The Hills are Alive ... with the Sound of 20-30 Heidi Montag Orgasms a Day

If you think the headline above is too much information, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are just getting started. Just what you wanted, we know.

In addition to Heidi Montag Playboy photos, the men's magazine has treated us to an interview, conducted by Spencer, in which his better half reveals a lot about plastic surgery, former co-star Lauren Conrad, and of course, boning.

Some nauseating excerpts ...

Heidi to Spencer, on their sex life:

“I knew what sex was, but when I met you I entered a new realm of understanding, from fantasy to love, to experience a day with 20-30 orgasms. Before you, sex was just something that happened. Now it’s something I look forward to every minute."

Try to turn away from the keyboard as you vomit.

Spencer, on watching Heidi's Playboy cover shoot:

“It was f*%king torture! I got the biggest case of blue balls in history. I wanted to shut down production after the outfit change so I could enjoy you all to myself."

"I suggest they bring something like that to Guantanamo Bay. Who needs waterboarding when you can have Heidi Montag posing in these outfits in front of you, in front of the ocean, and not be able to make a move on her? I’m not kidding.”

Heidi, on shopping for fake boobs:

"I wanted the best, so I sat down and flipped through some Playboys. The women are so hot. Pamela Anderson, Carmen Electra, Marilyn Monroe, all the Playmates."

Spencer, on Heidi suggesting she enlarge her fake boobs even more:

“Don’t do it for me. I think you have the best custom made breasts in the world right now. I don’t need any changes. I’m already driving a Bugatti every day.”

Heidi, on Lauren Conrad:

“The millions of people waiting for season six of The Hills love us. It’s not about Lauren Conrad, because she’s not even on the show now. Which is fine with me.”