We have bad news for the impending child of Kourtney Kardashian: your father is Scott Disick.
But we also have good news: your mom is milking her pregnancy for so much money that you'll be able to attend boarding school far, far away!
Instead of choosing to focus on the challenges that face a first-time parent, Kourtney is speaking to anyone with a check book. For example, she told People this week how she was preparing for motherhood.
"We watch these videos together on some random Web site I found called healthguru.com. They have videos which tell you what to expect, like the size of the baby at different stages, what the baby is doing inside. They're cool. Neither of us have read a book, but we're going to."
We assume she means a pregnancy book. But she may just mean a book... period.
As for the baby's nursery, Kourtney is again relying on the Internet.
"I haven't done one thing for the room, except look online at a million pictures. But I'm also kind of waiting until I can find a decorator. I just want to work with someone and make it perfect. I have a stylish vision of a room in my head."
This is the most a Kardashian has taken advantage of something that happened to her when she was naked since Kim got pumped full of Ray J on video.