In 2004, soon after Kobe Bryant was accused of sexual assault and admitted to cheating on his wife, he bought Vanessa Bryant an eight-carat diamond ring.
Based on photos of the couple at this year's ESPY Awards, it's clear why: he needed something large enough to match her breasts! (And he had to apologize for the whole infidelity, accusatory rape thing.)
Indeed, Kobe has been nominated for Best Male Athlete and Best Championship Performance at this year's ESPN-sponsored ceremony, but his wife has already sewn up the award for Most Ridiculous, Gigantic Cleavage.
As you can see below, her nipples have also won Most Unwelcome Red Carpet Guests. Put those things away, Vanessa!
[Photos: Fame Pictures]
Based on his attitude and general awfulness as a human being, we think Kobe Bryant is a piece of $hit.
In related news, Vanessa was accused of forcing her former maid to wipe her hand with dog feces earlier this year.