The Hills Recap: "Keep Your Enemies Closer"

Last night on The Hills, the tables were finally turned on Justin-Bobby.

Audrina Patridge's moronic on-off boyfriend was apparently pretty steamed when he heard about her hookup with Brody Jenner in Hawaii, and was calling her 24/7.

When Audzo finally agreed to see the scraggly-ass loser, she was unapologetic for her actions and totally blew him off. Hurts to be on the receiving end, eh, J-Bob?

“We’re at a dead end right now and need to go our separate ways," she said, adding that they were never exclusive. "We can't be friends. It doesn’t work. I came to say goodbye face-to-face. Don’t call. Don’t text. It’s over.” Iced!

Audrina abruptly left the restaurant, and Justin-Bobby, showing more genuine concern in this one scene than he has in the previous two years, chased after her.

Is Audrina Patridge finally done with Justin-Bobby?

“If I spent the night in Lauren’s room, you would freak out,” Justin-Bobby said, clearly worked up about her and Brody. While true, this comment left her unmoved.

Good riddance.

At People's Revolution, Stephanie Pratt was basically ignoring her job and blabbing on and on and on to Lauren Conrad about this hunky DJ she had just met. Lauren hinted subtly, then not subtly, that she needed to focus on work.

Alas, Stephanie Pratt has an IQ of 20.

LC was pulling clothes for an important photo shoot at Smashbox (where Lo of all people recently got a job). She had to run to the shoot and left Steph to finish packing the clothes and inputting the order into the computer.

But Steph’s mind - what little there is of it - was elsewhere. Shockingly, when LC arrived at the big photo shoot, all of the necessary clothes did not.

It got worse. Lauren called Steph to send over the stuff she forgot to pack, and not only did she play dumb about the error, but she didn’t offer to help as she was “on lunch break” with her hot new guy (who apparently likes 'em dumb).

The next day, Lauren tore into her, saying “It’s on me either way. It makes me look bad. [Kelly] told me your mistakes are mine.” When Kelly arrived, she pulled Lauren into her office and instructed her to fire Stephanie. Pronto.

In Speidi-land, bartender Stacie texted Heidi asking her to come to The Dime for a chat. Why on Earth these two insist on communicating, no one knows, but Heidi decided to don her favorite cheap whore costume and oblige.

Extending an olive branch, Stacie said she felt bad about their previous spats. But Heidi Montag was fuming mad at her and the following exchange happened:

Heidi: "I think you're a home-wrecker."
Stacie: "You're crazy."
Heidi: "I think you're rude. I think you're a slut."
Stacie: "I feel bad for you. Your boyfriend's a d!ck, and good luck!"

That about sums it up. Heidi eventually told Spencer she went to the bar (which she called “Satan’s dungeon”) and had “taken care of” his "Stacie problem."

Spencer's reply: "Taken care of? Who are you, Tony Soprano?" Classic.

He promised he’d had no contact with Stacie, and was miffed that she doesn't trust him. Heidi dared him to find another Stacie and just see what happens.

Hills history was then made as Spencer Pratt was speechless.