The Bachelorette Recap: The Jillian Rules

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After culling the field from to 20 in last week's season premiere, Jillian Harris' second week as The Bachelorette got even tougher - and hotter! - last night.

As usual, The Hollywood Gossip's recap will revisit some of the highlights (and lowlights), with points awarded and deducted as we see fit. Let's get to it ...

Realizing he hasn't made much of an impression on Jillian, Mike strips down to a Speedo and runs into the ocean. Desperate, yes. But entertaining. Plus 2.

Brian greets Jillian Harris with "What's up, little hottie?" This obnoxiousness is topped only by Michael's taunting of the competition: ''In case anyone is curious what her bedroom is like, I, uh, can let you know later.'' Minus 6, morons.

Despite being the personification of bad taste, Brian does make a point about our girl. Plus 8 for how good Jillian looked in the bank vault. Wow.

Minus 3 for Brad being a moron. Who refers to it as "Papers, scissors, rocks?!?"

So now the show has resorted to scavenger hunting, as opposed to heart warming, to earn a rose. Plus 4 for officially entering Rock of Love territory.

Chris Harrison needs to personally pimp-slap Tanner P. His foot fetish obviously creeped Jillian out, and there is nothing otherwise likable about him, yet he gets a rose. Can the competition she kicked off really be that much worse? No, the producers just told Jillian to keep him around a few weeks longer. Weak. Minus 9.

Jillian: Bachelorette Babe

Wes Hayden is unbelievably painful. Minus 12. This is a man whose voice makes one cringe, and who makes one scream "DOUCHE!!!!!!" at the top of one's lungs upon each fleeting glimpse of his face, hair, stubble, tattoos and clothing, prompting one's wife to ask if perhaps, just maybe, you are taking this a bit seriously. Plus 30, because who are we kidding ... The Bachelorette needs a Wes Hayden.

Speaking of the lame singer, Plus 7 to Ed for looking directly into a camera, with a straight face, and saying Wes' connection with Jillian was "fabricated."

As if her appearance on the most recent season of The Bachelor didn't set the feminist movement back far enough, Jillian Harris says she's a bad driver because she's "a girl." Minus 12 Hillary Clinton-sponsored points.

Jillian to Jake: "I'm looking for my best friend." Jake to the camera, 3.5 seconds later: I was hoping Jillian would say ... she was looking for her best friend." Plus 9 for such amazing coincidences ... and Plus 4 more for Jake's abs.

Martina McBride performed on the show, just two months after her latest album, Shine, was released. Minus 11 for too many amazing coincidences.

David thinks Juan should be tied to a tree and beaten. Plus 15 for hilarious honesty, along with the slim chance that David wins The Bachelorette and his court-ordered anger management classes are the top story on People next year.

Wait... you mean Jillian can save Juan from going home by giving him a rose? Isn't that, you know, the entire premise of the show? Minus 27, ABC.

THIS WEEK'S TOTAL: -1! SEASON: +17!

Rose recipients: Wes, Jake, Mike (post-hot dates); Juan (voted off by guys, only to be saved by Jillian); Jesse, David, Ed, Sasha, Mark, Michael, Tanner P. (for some reason), Kiptyn, Reid, Robby, Tanner F., Brad (rose ceremony).

Packing their bags: Julien, Brian, Mathue, Simon.

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Read Laura Kostelny's recaps. HILARIOUS! http://frontburner.dmagazine.c...

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OMG I totally think Juan is the funniest contestant on thie show ever!

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