We're really sorry, Dina Lohan.
For years, we've labeled you as the Worst Mother in the World. But you may need to pimp out your daughters and toot your own supposedly hard-working horn a lot louder in order to overtake Linda Hogan now.
Last week, daughter Brooke Hogan accused her mother of doing drugs, while also taking her to task yet again for dating 19-year old Charlie Hill.
In response, Linda (hiding behind representative Gary Smith) has written a statement to Perez Hilton in which she accuses her own child of:
- Having fake breasts;
- "Banging the crap" out of boyfriend Stack$ for three years;
- And scarcely selling any albums.
Linda also says ex-husband Hulk Hogan is "no different" from OJ Simpson and that young Charlie is really good at diving into a swimming pool.
Linda Hogan has set the awful mothering bar incredibly high. Will anyone be able to raise it?
You've gotta read this hilarious, rambling, grammatically-reprehensible statement to believe it:
If Brooke continues to spew lies on behalf of her father's lame attempt to distance himself from the reality that he is no different from the homicidal OJ Simpson, Charlie will be forced to put aside his paramedic/firefighting career path and release an album called "Redemption" which will easily surpass any of Brooke's records sales.
If it is her claim that her breasts are natural or she hasn't been banging the crap out of the pot head $tack for the last 3 years, then her comments of Charlie being a year and a half younger than her are again a complete fabrication (they are 4 months apart).
Here are some cold hard facts; these people who say Linda is doing drugs are friends of Hulk Hogan... Linda will walk into any drug testing facility and take a random test and the truth will be she is clean.
Brooke "thinks" she's doing drugs is a hypocrisy when her father and $tack are rolling and Smoking joints together in Brooke's recording session, and Brooke knows it.
As for Charlie, he is an accomplished Spring board diver (4th in the Nationals), eagle scout and certified captain in commercial boating with his bigger goal of joining the fire department. Linda's definition of a good time is hitting a 8:30 am mass at St Max's grabbing some Cuban food at Versailles (her fav).
You can choose your favorite part of this ridiculous, public slamming of Linda's own daughter.
But we love the fact that it's signed by: "Gary Smith on behalf of Linda Hogan, Global PR Inc."
If it actually exists, how awful of a public relations firm is Global PR Inc?!? This is the most comprehensible statement it could write?