The Bachelor Recap: Roses, Vision Boards and Hot Dogs

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The Hollywood Gossip was thrilled to see The Bachelor return for a 13th season last night - with none other than fan favorite Jason Mesnick the center of attention.

Below is our official (highly editorialized) recap of some of the highlights and lowlights from the season premiere, which was both entertaining and nauseating ...

Plus 10 for obligatory Ty footage, but for not exploiting him too badly.

Note to Renee: Vision boards scare men and not in a good way. Minus 2.

Does anyone have an easier, better job than Chris Harrison? Plus 5.

Minus 13 for Sharon: Quitting your job (in this economy, no less!) for a chance at love with a stranger is one thing; but you were a teacher. Of children. And now you wanna win over a single father? Good luck with that.

Early dark horse to win it all: Molly. The 24-year-old Michigan cutie is smart and sassy - and totally in it for love. You can tell. Plus 11.

Did ABC expect us to believe certain dubbed over segments were being spoken live? Budget cuts in the editing department, guys? Minus 27.

Hey, Raquel: Dancing with the Stars films on a different set. Minus 2.

Jason Mesnick at the Rose Ceremony

Jason Mesnick ponders his difficult decisions pre-Rose Ceremony.

Melissa looks like a skanky Mandy Moore. Nice. Plus 4.

An awful President and THREE Bachelor contestants? Minus 9 for the State of Texas.

Quote of the Night: Our slightly-uncomfortable bachelor's mumbled response to Lauren's government quiz: "Are we really talking about this?" Plus 12.

Plus 8 for Jason Mesnick putting mustard on his hot dog. Not indicative of a damn thing, but the best condiment. Minus 4, though, because what if we like hot dogs plain? Are we not human?! Way to alienate millions of viewers, Jillian.

Plus 15 for ABC's new twist in which the girls thought they were voting off Megan - the first step in admitting the show isn't really about Jason finding love. But Minus 4 for Megan's response. You wonder why peeps hate you.

Minus 5 for Stephanie's obvious face lift, making her the first 34-year-old in Bachelor history to look 54. Our Nicole Kidman Plastic Surgery Award winner, ladies and gents!

DeAnna Pappas, how did you dump this guy?!? Minus Infinity.

TOTAL: -Infinity (-1)! Not bad for a premiere, which can often be boring. Hopefully things improve in the coming weeks. Leave a comment with your own score!

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The Bachelor Quotes

There’s still a lot of growing to do in our relationship. We will not tie the knot until I am mentally and physically prepared as well as Matt.

Shayne Lamas

It was a fairytale proposal like I’ve always dreamed about. I forgot that there [were] cameras around. In that moment, it was just Matt and I and it was the most amazing moment of my entire life.

Shayne Lamas [on proposal by Matt Grant]