The Hollywood Gossip's weekly recap of The Bachelor cannot begin without two points: 1. Jason Mesnick shirtless, and in slow motion, needs to be a focal point of every episode, and 2. Can anyone stop Molly Malaney?
The Michigan native emerged as a favorite in our minds last night with a powerful, yet nuanced performance. Below is our official (highly editorialized) recap of some of the highlights and lowlights from last night's episode:
Sorry, Natalie, but the first tears of the season earn you Minus 4.
Plus 5 for Lauren's optimism. Not picked for the first one-on-one date? Good. She wouldn't have had time to do her hair anyway!
Minus 29 for Robin Thicke. As if having the song "Magic" introduced at the 2008 Miss Universe pageant wasn't bad enough.
Plus 11 for ABC. From the slow motion unveiling of a Jason Mesnick naked torso to panning up Nikki's cleavage-revealing dress as he uttered "You've got amazing qualities... and they're obvious," a top notch job by the editing team.
Melissa earns a Minus 3 for lying. You've never seen a blimp before? Really?!? Which Dallas Cowboys team did you cheerlead for?
Minus 5 for Stephanie's eyebrows and forehead. Downright freakish.
Plus 33 for the night's clear MVP, the aforementioned Molly. This midwestern beauty managed to show off her smooching skills in front of other contestants, earn a rose, steal Jason Mesnick away from Megan later that night... and cause two separate cat fights between four competitors as a result of her actions!
Naomi earned a Minus 7 for the least sincere, and least smooth, move of the night. After confusing Jason with her speech about how they'll always be good friends, she followed up a hug with the question, "Can friends kiss?" No, they really can't.
Most accurate quote of the night: "Going to a store and being told 'Go Crazy.' It was like the mother ship calling me home." Plus 5 for Natalie's honesty.
Favorite blimp-related quote of the episode: "We've seen L.A. in a way probably no one has ever seen L.A. before." You're very special, Jason, with that six-pack and that cute three-year old son. But you and Melissa weren't the Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin of blimp-riding. Minus 1.
TOTAL +5! If the names and faces blend together and confuse you, as they do us, see below for the official list of who's in and who's out on The Bachelor...
Roses received: Jillian, Melissa, Molly (pre-rose ceremony); Megan, Nikki, Lauren, Naomi, Stephanie, Kari, Natalie, Shannon, Erica (rose ceremony).
Axed by Jason Mesnick: Raquel, Sharon.
Left for personal reasons: Lisa.