The Bachelor Recap: Egomaniacal, Cat-Fighting, Sweet-Talking, Backstabbing Madness

by at . Comments

The Hollywood Gossip's weekly recap of The Bachelor is a highly editorialized rundown of some of the highlights and lowlights from last night's episode, with points / scores awarded or deducted as we see fit. Let's get on with it:

Stephanie's daughter Sophia is so cute. Plus 4, because while this is super cheesy and surely edited far too much, she and Jason Mesnick do have some chemistry, and one does get the impression she would love to merge families.

Bachelor Wedding

Quote of the Night: "Having a week... of not having people praise God that I'm in their life... has been driving me crazy." - Megan. Minus 15 on principle.

Quote of the Night Runner-Up: "If you don't feel a connection to me, who do you think you are, God?" - Natalie. Holy crap, what an egotistical b!tch. We're gonna miss her a little bit, we admit, so we'll send her off with a Plus 12.

Lauren says if Megan and Erica are Jason's types, then she clearly is not his type. Because Lauren really knows them - or Jason - that well already. Minus 6.

The rationale of Molly Malaney - not freaking out about not getting a one-on-one date because, she rationalizes, it may mean Jason Mesnick already knows he likes her - is downright smart. What is this girl doing on reality TV?!? Plus 20.

Former Dallas Cowboys cheerleader Melissa and down-to-earth Molly are emerging as our favorite aspirants - and seriously contenders to win it all on The Bachelor.

Melissa Rycroft really had a breast reduction? There are women starving in Ethiopia who don't have any boobs at all! Minus 6. But Plus 7 because she's still hot.

Megan says she will stand in the middle of the street and be casted, naked, if it will help someone else. She also says she is a role model. Plus 4.

Best bear story of the evening: Natalie. Plus 8.

$1 million in diamonds in this economy? Come on, ABC! Minus 19.

This show thrives on cat fights, but Shannon getting physically sick from anxiety - then receiving a rose anyway! - was a first, and will be hard to top. Plus 10. And Plus 10 more because even that did not rattle Chris Harrison. Dude keeps it cool.

TOTAL +29! Unbelievable drama last night. If the names and faces still confuse you, see below for the list of who's in and who's out on The Bachelor...

Roses received: Jillian, Stephanie (pre-rose ceremony); Molly, Lauren, Melissa, Naomi, Shannon, Nikki, Megan (rose ceremony).

Sent packing by Jason Mesnick: Erica, Kari, Natalie.

Tags: ,
Avatar

I also think that Jillian and Molly will end up being too smart for Jason. I think after all the heartbreak he's been through, he'll want a woman who is very non-threatening. And I don't think he wants anyone smarter than him. He's a nice guy, but he wants to be in control. Melissa and Naomi both are sweet and not especially brainy. Melissa might threaten him because she's been a Cowboys cheerleader and is just too hot. I think he'll have trouble trusting her because her sex appeal will bring out his insecurity. He'll probably be afraid she has more experience than him. I wouldn't be surprised if he went for Naomi--she's like a fairytale virgin princess.

Avatar

Team Jillian!
She's the best! But...she deserves better than Jason. Jillian--go home and find a real smart, witty guy. I think Jason will go with Molly, Naomi, or Melissa. Definitely not Stephanie. I like her but she could do better than Jason too--she's just too high-maintenance and formal for him, and should find a guy at home who's a bit older and will relish all her glamour and diva-ness.

Avatar

TEAM JILLIAN! She got a rose on the group date - yessss!

Avatar

I'm Team Melissa and Lauren, Megan and Naomi need to go home!

The Bachelor Quotes

There’s still a lot of growing to do in our relationship. We will not tie the knot until I am mentally and physically prepared as well as Matt.

Shayne Lamas

It was a fairytale proposal like I’ve always dreamed about. I forgot that there [were] cameras around. In that moment, it was just Matt and I and it was the most amazing moment of my entire life.

Shayne Lamas [on proposal by Matt Grant]