Last night's episode of The Hills was delightful, funny, poignant and nauseating at the same time. Our recap will consist of awarding and deducting points as we see fit.
When Whitney Port receives the call at work from Diane Von Furstenberg, she announces she's moving to The City. Meanwhile, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag embark on a romantic trip to Mexico that ends with them getting drunk and married.
On to the rankings! Chime in with your own!
Like, nobody knows where Spencer and Heidi are, Stephanie Pratt says. Except the MTV camera crew that's filming you morons. Just ask them! Minus 6.
Whitney getting the call about the job at work was so fake. But we loved Whitney's expressions (and LC's "OMG" face) so much, who cares? Plus 4.
Good Lord, Heidi's fake Mexican accent at the restaurant made us want to claw our eyes out. No amount of Patron should make you that lame. Minus 5.
Trying to railroad Heidi into getting married, Spencer says Heidi "makes him want to be nicer." Not a true romantic, but the best he could do. Plus 6.
Audrina fills the girls in on Heidi's absence. She's useless, but Minus only 3 for the obligatory (mercifully quick) Justin-Bobby cameo. We hate him so hard.
Heidi Montag rocks her typical outfit of clubbing makeup, a red bikini and high heels. LOL. What a skank. Minus 7 for lowering her standards each week, but Plus 14 for the Playboy spread she's subtly auditioning for and will get.
Tell us that Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port talking about feelings during their lunch date at the end didn't elicit a tear or two from you. Pass the tissues! Plus 17!
No footage of the actual ceremony, except on Spencer's camcorder? MTV follows them all the way to Cabo and falls asleep at the wheel then? Fishy. Minus 11.
Oh, how totally sweet are Whitney's parents? Watching them interacting with her, they seem like just the sort of people who would raise Whitney. Plus 9.
Obligatory Plus 1 for the After Show, because we were too harsh on Jessi and Dan last week. They are actually okay. Lo was kinda boring last night though.
Heidi tells Spencer she'll "show him what a wife does." We think we know what she means. And we're talking about Spencer Pratt. *shiver* Minus 23.
Heidi says her mom is going to freak, which we already know is totally accurate. And we thought Darlene was crazy to suggest Spencer drugged her before the wedding. Alcohol could be considered a drug, technically ... Plus 10.
TOTAL: +6. Major swings, but great overall! Leave a comment with your scores!