The Hills Recap: Dream Boy, Dream Job

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The Hills was heartwarming, annoying, funny and nearly Audrina-free last night. Our recap will consist of awarding and deducting points as we see fit.

When Lauren Conrad learns her parents are moving out of Laguna Beach, she returns home to pack up her old room. Spencer Pratt tries to get sister Stephanie to ditch boyfriend Cameron, and Whitney Port takes a step closer to The City.

A Pimp and His Prize Hoe

On to the rankings! Chime in with your own!

Playing the role of strong, protective big brother, we came dangerously close to giving props to Spencer Pratt. But he would be snide, sarcastic and passive-aggressive to Stephanie even if Cameron weren't being a d!ck, so Minus 1.

Spencer to Stephanie: "Do you know how immature and stupid this relationship sounds from an outside perspective?" Plus 18, because it, like, totally does, but this is equally true of Speidi to the entire celebrity gossip reading world.

Within the first few minutes, LC name-drops the episode title, "Dream boy, dream job!" Minus 2 for lameness and the strong possibility that she was coached to.

At the Diane Van Furstenberg offices in NYC, Elizabeth, Alixe and Whitney Port herself are all wearing tight clothing and high heels at work. This is actually consistent with both the industry and city. Welcome to New York! Plus 3.

At least from what we could tell, Stephanie surprised Heidi and Spencer by bringing Cameron to dinner. Spencer went off on him immediately. Minus 4, because surely Stephanie would have seen that coming. It's Spencer Pratt, people!

How much did you love Lauren Conrad while she was back home in her old room! That scene with LC and Lo reflecting was, like, so real. *sniff* Plus 7!

But Minus 2 because while it would've been beyond ridiculous if Jason Wahler walked in at that moment, we were kinda hoping it would happen.

Okay, this has been bothering us for months: the hosts of the Hills After Show are such losers. Do we have to see them during commercials too? Who the eff dresses that girl? And you know that dude's glasses aren't even prescription. Minus 9.

Of course, Whitney would use a lot of Valley Girl-speak in her interview and of course, no one would bat an eye. If you're Heidi Montag at Bolthouse, this would be annoying as hell. But if you're Whitney Port, it's the name of the fashion game! Plus 3.

Whitney's Australian love interest, Jay Lyon, appears for, like, three seconds to hug her a lot before she leaves for L.A. Minus only 2, because while that was a total sham, we're so psyched to see Jay and Whitney on The City, you don't even understand!

TOTAL: +11. Not bad! Leave a comment with your own scores!

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Lauren Conrad Biography

Lauren Conrad and New Boyfriend?
A Laguna Beach alumna, the gorgeous Lauren Conrad has gone on to be the star of its spin-off series, The Hills. Back in her high school... More »
Laguna Beach, California
Full Name
Lauren Katherine Conrad

Lauren Conrad Quotes

Someone with a great sense of humor is the most important thing, and someone who really supports me in everything I do... I don’t ever want to make an excuse for trying to work hard and having my own life. I love a guy that supports that and loves that.

Lauren Conrad [on men]

I don’t feel girly without long hair! There is something so sexy about having long blonde hair. It’s so feminine.

Lauren Conrad