The Hills Recap: Dream Boy, Dream Job

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The Hills was heartwarming, annoying, funny and nearly Audrina-free last night. Our recap will consist of awarding and deducting points as we see fit.

When Lauren Conrad learns her parents are moving out of Laguna Beach, she returns home to pack up her old room. Spencer Pratt tries to get sister Stephanie to ditch boyfriend Cameron, and Whitney Port takes a step closer to The City.

A Pimp and His Prize Hoe

On to the rankings! Chime in with your own!

Playing the role of strong, protective big brother, we came dangerously close to giving props to Spencer Pratt. But he would be snide, sarcastic and passive-aggressive to Stephanie even if Cameron weren't being a d!ck, so Minus 1.

Spencer to Stephanie: "Do you know how immature and stupid this relationship sounds from an outside perspective?" Plus 18, because it, like, totally does, but this is equally true of Speidi to the entire celebrity gossip reading world.

Within the first few minutes, LC name-drops the episode title, "Dream boy, dream job!" Minus 2 for lameness and the strong possibility that she was coached to.

At the Diane Van Furstenberg offices in NYC, Elizabeth, Alixe and Whitney Port herself are all wearing tight clothing and high heels at work. This is actually consistent with both the industry and city. Welcome to New York! Plus 3.

At least from what we could tell, Stephanie surprised Heidi and Spencer by bringing Cameron to dinner. Spencer went off on him immediately. Minus 4, because surely Stephanie would have seen that coming. It's Spencer Pratt, people!

How much did you love Lauren Conrad while she was back home in her old room! That scene with LC and Lo reflecting was, like, so real. *sniff* Plus 7!

But Minus 2 because while it would've been beyond ridiculous if Jason Wahler walked in at that moment, we were kinda hoping it would happen.

Okay, this has been bothering us for months: the hosts of the Hills After Show are such losers. Do we have to see them during commercials too? Who the eff dresses that girl? And you know that dude's glasses aren't even prescription. Minus 9.

Of course, Whitney would use a lot of Valley Girl-speak in her interview and of course, no one would bat an eye. If you're Heidi Montag at Bolthouse, this would be annoying as hell. But if you're Whitney Port, it's the name of the fashion game! Plus 3.

Whitney's Australian love interest, Jay Lyon, appears for, like, three seconds to hug her a lot before she leaves for L.A. Minus only 2, because while that was a total sham, we're so psyched to see Jay and Whitney on The City, you don't even understand!

TOTAL: +11. Not bad! Leave a comment with your own scores!

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lol the worst thing to be watch http://www.hotfemalecelebrity....

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wow! you guys continue to bite off EW.com's recaps of the hills. you even use THEIR snapshot of the episode!! do your job! write your own recap! http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatc...

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Am I the only one who realizes that the "Whitney moving to NY scene" and the "Heidi/Spencer go to Mexico and discuss it not being just another trip" scene are in the previews for the SAME episode next week?!?! Whitney has been in The City for a while-you guys have pics of Lauren wearing that blue plaid shirt and hugging Whitney goodbye from MONTHS ago... way before the Audrina/Lauren?Justin triangle (just on a couple weeks ago?!)... and now they are trying to throw Speidi's marriage in there the same week!?!? I'm surprised this did not make the Recap rankings... the timing is SO off on the show...

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yeah,
dan and jessi are definitely totally rad.
you clearly have no idea about east-coast fashion. but your blog is pretty amazing over-all.
lauren conrad is a huuuge biotch and has NO credibility whatsoever. MINUS INFINITY

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"Spencer to Stephanie: "Do you know how immature and stupid this relationship sounds from an outside perspective?" Plus 18, because it, like, totally does, but this is equally true of Speidi to the entire celebrity gossip reading world." Minus 25 because Spencer is TRYING to be all big protective brother when in essence he's still just being a d!ck. Stephanie was obviously hurt about her rollercoaster of a relationship to have OF ALL PEOPLE spencer pratt (no capialization needed) tell her that her relationship with Cameron is a joke. What about the joke of a relationship he's in? Spiedi? I mean come on. He needs to grow a pair and move on. She can do better without Spencer and he can just go about his business. He's such a jerk!

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He has a picture of him and Stephanie as his avatar on My Space, so it's not like they broke up for real or anything. They just pulled a Speidi. Way to fake breakup for the cameras, douchebags...

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um .. Jesse and Dan r the best .. please leave them out of this. Im from Canada and I love them thx

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That horribly boring break up scene with Stephanie and Cameron. I am so not interested and fast forwarded through it. -3

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We love Jessi and Dan because they totally HATE on Speidi every single Aftershow.Jessi does wear some weird stuff, but Lauren Conrad names one of the dresses in her collection after her.