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We heart celebrities. Gossip about them is what we do, and provide. But apparently $5,300 is the going rate for a tissue used by a celebrity? Messed up.

That much money could buy you:

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  • A photo shoot with Spencer and Heidi
  • 33 decent Britney Spears concert tickets
  • An hour and 10 minutes in the sack with Ashley Dupre
  • Approximately 1,750 shares of General Motors stock

Just think about the possibilities! Whatever floats your boat, it’s gotta be an improvement over a used tissue – even if Scarlett Johansson did the using.

Last week, The Spirit star got the sniffles on the Tonight Show With Jay Leno. She claimed she caught the cold from costar Samuel L. Jackson.

After Leno handed the actress a tissue and the starlet gave a good blow, she joked that the used hanky had some value. To test her hypothesis, the tissue was placed on the auction block on eBay, with proceeds benefiting USA Harvest.

The winner of the golden mucus will be announced on this evening’s Tonight Show. Okay, it’s cool that it’s for charity, but still… it’s a tissue, people.