Paris Hilton has a lot to say.

In a new interview with Esquire, the talentless socialite explains what happens to her used dresses, how grueling her daily schedule is and who makes her laugh...

On charitable efforts: "I give [worn dresses] to charities and they auction them off to help people with breast cancer, multiple sclerosis, and AIDS."

On her daily schedule: "I was up making phone calls at 7 in the morning and I'll be working it with every guy at the bar until 1:00 a.m."

On who makes her laugh: "Will Ferrell movies make me laugh. My sister makes me laugh. Nicole Richie is hilarious."

On her perfume strategy: "I put pheromones in a lot of my fragrances and that attracts people to you."

On her life-long ambition: "My grandma would call me Marilyn Monroe... Ever since I was little it's what I knew I wanted to do – be a blond icon."

On the advantages of marriage: "You may not be able to be hot when you're 75. Like, young people won't think you're hot. But your husband will."