The Hills Recap: You'll Never Have This ...

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As usual, our recap of The Hills will consist of our staff grading last night's episode, awarding (or deducting) points for the best and worst moments.

The gang heads to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, for a weekend of fun. Audrina Patridge is still drawn to Justin-Bobby, who is intent on being a free man on the trip. Back in L.A., Spencer Pratt treats Stephanie and her new boyfriend like crap.

Heidi and Her Dogs

On to the rankings!

The crew heads to Cabo in Doug Reinhardt's jet. His baseball career has apparently fizzled out, but who cares? Give it up for rich parents! Plus 3.

If you didn't think that Audrina Patridge had fake boobs before, this episode should clear that up. Those things are just unnaturally perky. Minus 5.

When Stephanie first mentioned Cameron, we thought it might be Cameron Brinkman - Laguna Beach Season 3 meathead! Not so. Plus 2, because that would've been so contrived, but Minus 5 because it would have also been hilarious to watch.

Always the mediator, It's Frankie Delgado who asks why Audrina's not talking to Justin-Bobby. Plus 1. Then Plus 5 more for Frankie toasting Brody as not only his best friend, but the best friend anyone could have. Give it up for man love and feelings!

Not digging Spencer's disappearing/reappearing facial hair. Minus 4.

As a birthday present, Doug Reinhardt gets Brody about a dozen bikini-clad chicks. Plus 4 for the effort, and Plus 3 more because both Doug and Brody dated Lauren, who's present for the spectacle, and none of the three mention this.

Obligatory Minus 2 for Heidi Montag's overuse of makeup and heels!

Not only does he get pissed about Brody, but during the big dinner with Cameron and Stephanie, Spencer asks about Doug, off-handedly referring to him as Stephanie's ex-boyfriend. Classic passive-aggressive d!ck comment by Spencer. Plus 10.

The tension between Audrina and Justin-Bobby was palpable from the start, but since he can't formulate a f*%king complete sentence and she's the world's worst communicator, nothing came to a head. That is, until he stole a flower hair thingy that Corey Bohan gave her and she stormed off. Are these two in third grade? Minus 8.

Plus 3 for Lauren Conrad being such a good friend and trying to talk sense into Audrina Patridge in a kind, supportive way. Minus 9 because Audrina's a moron.

TOTAL: -2. This episode of The Hills was thoroughly entertaining, but plain and simple, Audrina's inability to kick this loser to the curb kills it for us.

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Thanks Maz! She's back now...boo :(

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Melissa
No it wouldnt....

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I think Dr. Phil needs to take a look at the hills and point out who is doing wrong the most it would be intesting to hear what Dr.phil would have to say about all the situations.

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LOL! Cindy U R funny!

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Plus 100 for no Lo, 2 weeks straight

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I started fast forwarding through the parts of the show with Speidi, now Audrina is really annoying too! It won't matter if Lauren calls it quits at the end of the season because by then I'll be fast forwarding through entire episodes. :-( And what happened to Lo? She was really funny and she was just gone for this episode.

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Hello THG, where was Whitney's shout out for appearing on Entourage last Sunday?

Lauren Conrad Biography

Lauren Conrad and New Boyfriend? A Laguna Beach alumna, the gorgeous Lauren Conrad has gone on to be the star of its spin-off series, The Hills. Back in her high school... More »
Born
Birthplace
Laguna Beach, California
Full Name
Lauren Katherine Conrad

Lauren Conrad Quotes

Someone with a great sense of humor is the most important thing, and someone who really supports me in everything I do... I don’t ever want to make an excuse for trying to work hard and having my own life. I love a guy that supports that and loves that.

Lauren Conrad [on men]

I don’t feel girly without long hair! There is something so sexy about having long blonde hair. It’s so feminine.

Lauren Conrad