The Hills Recap: Who to Choose?

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THE HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP NOTE: As is our new custom, our recap of The Hills will consist of a brief rundown of events, then our staff members grading last night's episode, awarding (or deducting) points for the best and worst moments.

Despite the presence of a charming Corey Bohan, Audrina Patridge is still drawn to bad boy Justin-Bobby, while Lauren Conrad is cute as ever, and a conniving Spencer Pratt is still determined to give Holly Montag the boot from his apartment.

Pimp and Ho

On to the rankings!

"If you take your top off and went over there, I'd probably have to chase you," Justin Bobby says. Dear God, what an unbelievably lame line, but Plus 5 because it totally works and he thus gets to see Audrina Patridge (fake boobs and all) topless.

The Cabo San Lucas Tourism Board must pay for all the name dropping. Minus 1.

Backhanded compliment of the year from Spencer to Stephanie: "I can't imagine disliking a sister more... Should make you feel good." LOL. Plus 7.

Once again, we are forced to mention that we already know Justin-Bobby will win out before any drama unfolds, as Corey Bohan was seen with Audrina 24/7 for like a week this summer before falling off the face of the Earth. Minus 10.

Corey is hot. J-Bobby is not. Audrina missed that memo? Minus 4.

Audrina laments to Lauren Conrad that she hasn't had to choose between two guys in the longest time. Girl is only 23, but Plus 4 because when you're wrapped up in a faux-reality bubble, a few weeks can seem like an eternity.

Spencer Pratt tells Stephanie that Holly is "the mooch of the century." Minus 2 for a pot calling the kettle black, but Plus 6 because he's oblivious and doesn't realize it.

We get full coverage of Audrina and Corey, but LC has supposedly dated Kyle Howard off and on for some time, and we see nothing. What gives, MTV? Minus 3.

It was a nice change of pace to focus on someone besides Lauren for a chance ... so long as the focus shifts back to her next week. She's very pretty. Plus 4.

No passive-aggressive rage from Lo this week. Minus 1.

Brody Jenner has so many parties, it's like that's his job. Oh, wait ... Plus 2.

How is it possible that Justin-Bobby and Doug Reinhardt of all people travel in the same group of friends? Not that this is the first example of this, but there has to be some MTV prodding for these random peeps to hang. Minus 5.

Frankie Delgado approaches Audrina to get to the bottom of stuff. He is totally the Ryan Seacrest of The Hills, always staying involved in everyone's business, but remaining neutral and generally likable. And sponging off their fame. Plus 4.

Heidi Montag wears far too much makeup - and not even to work or to hot L.A. clubs, mind you, but to casual meals with friends! Minus 2.

Eventually, Heidi told Holly Montag to move out because, Spencer claims, Holly had just been sitting on the couch, doing nothing productive. One person doing that in the apartment is fine, but two? Unforgivable, apparently. Plus 3.

TOTAL: +7. A good one, through and through. Hard to complain anytime Justin-Bobby and Spencer Pratt battle for the title of most loathed Hills boyfriend.

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you forgot to mention that Heidi ALWAYS has on heels/stilettos in the house