The Hills Recap: I Want You To Be With Me

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As usual, THG's recap of The Hills will consist of us grading last night's episode, awarding (or deducting) points for the best and worst moments.

This week, Audrina Patridge is still torn between Corey Bohan and that loser Justin-Bobby, and whining about it 24-7, while Stephanie Pratt's new boyfriend Cameron decides to stand up to Brody Jenner ... then later backs off of course.

On to the rankings!

As noted in the sneak preview we posted yesterday, Chiara is clearly annoyed with Audrina's wishy-washy whining about Justin-Bobby. Plus 5.

Minus 2 for a couple naming their daughter Chiara.

Corey Bohan is no fool. When Audrina mentions that Justin-Bobby went on the Cabo trip, he's instantly skeptical. Audrina says "Lauren and I shared a room," and he replies "Sure you did." Plus 3 for honesty. And Plus 3 more for the accent.

Justin-Bobby and Audrina Patridge

Justin-Bobby Brescia & Audrina Patridge in an emotional, mumbled heart-to-heart.

Brody Jenner continues his hatred of Stephanie for reasons unknown. “Please god, let Cameron say something to me," he says. Typical guys. When they go to the club, they set out to either get laid or get into a fight. Either works. Plus 5.

Despite talking a good game, Cameron ends up saying nothing to Brody. What a [insert female body part of choice here]. Minus 3.

Brandy is recording in the studio where Audrina works. This prompts Audrina to inquire about her brother Ray J and the infamous Kim Kardashian sex tape. We're obviously making the second part up, but Brandy's mere presence at Epic Records inspired us to imagine that scenario, which amuses us to no end. Plus 15.

Did the producers write Lo out of the series, or is she just too boring to warrant screen time? Minus 1. Or Plus 1. We can't decide if this is good or bad.

MTV actually airs The Hills from 10-10:34 to squeeze in four extra minutes of ads. To those without recording capabilities, this is raw pain. Minus 6.

Justin-Bobby delivers the ultimate reassuring line: "I will pretty much be there for you." Pretty much. Now that's compelling. Plus 10, because for all his douchebag qualities, Justin-Bobby is consistent at least. He's not gonna blatantly lie, just cryptically lead Audrina on and let her take the bait. Diabolical.

We can't believe we're saying this, but we're sort of missing Spencer Pratt. The puppet master's passive-aggressive comments are always a highlight, even if you want to hurl the remote at the screen. Too few Spencer scenes this week. Minus 2.

This is kind of a side note, but Lauren Conrad is reported to be hanging out with Kyle Howard (of My Boys) quite a bit, yet we haven't seen photos of this or heard any references to her new man on The Hills. What gives? Minus 3.

Defending her decision to dump Corey, Audrina tells Chiara that "Justin wouldn't say those things to me unless he really meant it." Right. Guys have never exaggerated any feelings in order to get in girls' pants. Not once. Minus 12.

TOTAL: +13. Once you lower your expectations of Audrina Patridge and just accept the show for the entertainment it provides, The Hills never disappoints.

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is very depresing watching audrina...so idiot girl!!but surely every guys wanna do her.

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I know this is off script, but about a week ago a magazine said Audrina was the "nicest" person on the Hills. Funny now considering the whole Lauren, Justin Bobby, Audrina triangle. I watched the show since the L B days and you know LC would never be attracted to someone like Justin. In the Hills episodes you can just see her complete disdain for him. Now Audrina is still going on all these tabloid news shows prepetuating this whole thing. Think she's angling for "DB, Spencer" money? Sorry not going to happen, it does not play well for her. It makes her look so smarmy and so disloyal. Good Luck Audrina with your soon to be coming to an end D-list movie carear. Sorry so long, feel better getting it off my chest.

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Spencer is the biggest jerk. Its hard to see how mean he is to Steph. Hey Jerk, how many times have you not only made Heidi cry but other girls. Heidi really needs to dump that idiot, he's a really bad role modle for girls to see and believe that this treatment is acceptable.

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I should get 20 points for not reaching through the t.v. and popping Audrina upside her head. Corey is hot, nice, and genuinely wants to be with her. She is a dummy and she deserves what we all know Justin is going to give her.