Jessica Simpson Sucks at Acting

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We know, we know.

That one's up there with "Spencer Pratt is Annoying," "Julianne Hough is Beautiful" and "Kim Kardashian Has a Giant A$$" on the list of headlines you don't really even need to write because they're going to be the case in perpetuity.

But when Jessica Simpson's ironically titled flick, Major Movie Star, is set to be renamed Private Valentine: Blonde & Dangerous, and released only on DVD, we just have to comment. And give props to the theaters for passing.

Not a Major Movie Star By Any Means

Jessica Simpson's disgrace to cinema hits stores February 3.

If you rent this, you are officially insane (unless you're part of a club that intentionally rents the worst possible crap you can find and plays drinking games throughout).

The film - about a ditzy movie star who enlists in the army to earn money to pay her bills - is #1 in Russia, and will premiere in Bulgaria next month, but it is not being released in theaters in any English-speaking country.

Jessica Simpson's last effort, Blonde Ambition, hit stores after showing in eight theaters and earning $1,300. That's less than Heidi Montag's weekly makeup budget!

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