The Hills Recap: Don't Act Innocent ...

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THE HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP NOTE: We're switching up our format for recapping The Hills. After a brief rundown of events, our staff will grade each episode, awarding (or deducting) points for the funniest, cheesiest (and most fake) moments.

To sum up, Heidi's mom, Darlene Montag, pays a visit to L.A. from Colorado and is dismayed to learn that Heidi is living with Spencer Pratt again.

A July 4 Kiss

Doug Reinhardt throws a party where his shadiness re: Stephanie Pratt becomes a topic of debate. Lauren Conrad and Brody Jenner get on his case.

On to the rankings!

"If you're friends with your girl, you don't go out with an ex - unless you get the stamp of approval," says Lauren Conrad's trainer as she punches his raised palms at the gym. Right. We're sure he cares. Most rehearsed line ever. Minus 2.

After claiming she and Doug Reinhardt aren't dating, and she deleted his number from her phone, Stephanie tells LC she's still going to go to Doug's BBQ, claiming she RSVP'd "weeks ago before I was even friends with him." Ummm, what? You gotta love blatantly lying to your friend AND four million viewers. Plus 3.

Darlene Montag comes to L.A. unannounced? Really? That's not exactly a quick trip. And Spencer doesn't appear surprised to see her for a second, transitioning instantly into irritable, lazy jackass mode. Very suspicious, Hills. Minus 4.

Wearing jewelry, Lauren and Whitney Port look more glamourous at the gym than most girls do on dates. This is, strangely, the norm for them. Plus 1.

On a similar note, Heidi Montag is wearing full-on clubbing / prostitute makeup while sitting around the apartment. Minus 3.

Later, Spencer Pratt actually leaves the apartment! Plus 2.

Whitney Port's sunglasses cover 75 percent of her face. Minus 1. But Plus 1 for them actually showing Whitney outside of work for a change.

During lunch, Spencer refers to Heidi's mom, condescendingly, as "My Dear." When she suggests he and Heidi are moving too fast, he asks "What planet are you living on?" Her reactions prove this wasn't scripted - he's really that big of an ass! Plus 10.

Brief Justin-Bobby sighting! What a loser. Minus 1.

The first song played is Britney Spears' new single, "Womanizer." Plus 4. And props to those of you who chose Doug Reinhardt in yesterday's Hills poll!

As always, the deluge of ads by MTV on this show is mind-numbingly annoying. Minus only 1, though, because it's actually been much worse in the past.

Amid all the drama at Doug's, Lo Bosworth just sits there silently, pouting and looking like she wants to gouge her own eyes out. Vintage Lo. Plus 4.

Anyone else see the effing fleet of black Range Rovers with tinted windows outside Doug's house in Hollywood? Hope he got a fat signing bonus, 'cause with his .201 average, that Major League salary ain't comin' anytime soon. Minus 2.

Brody Jenner's unyielding resentment of Stephanie Pratt is really unhealthy, yet for someone who was her childhood friend, totally believable. Plus 5.

Frankie Delgado was on hand, but had no lines. Come on, MTV. He must have offered sage advice (or professed his love for Brody) at some point. Minus 3.

The scene where Lauren and Brody harass Doug about the Stephanie situation was not only hilarious, but all too realistic. Dudes, especially those who are basically harmless, always think they can do whatever they want. They proceed to get self-righteous and indignant when called out on it - especially by other dudes. Plus 5.

TOTAL: +18! A great episode of The Hills, the kind that reminds you why we watch this ridiculous "reality" show in the first place. We seriously hope that in upcoming episodes, Stephanie Pratt decides to date Stephen Colletti.

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Anna - OMGosh I would want that first one HUGE in my house if those were my babies it's just pecoirus! And the family one too, okay they are all great!

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Kate --- we know that's you, Spencer. We know you hate LC, but you are still alone, stop posting online under girl's names, we know you are home all day and never leave the house, find a new online hobby.

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lauren conrad takes herself way too seriously. why all the drama over doug? if she was steph's friend she woulda said go for it girl. brody is an ass.

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when whitney said, "i don't even know you, and i don't want to," the "and i don't want to" part was totally dubbed in. her lips weren't even moving.

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HELLO!!! Someone needs to tell Stephanie what happened to Jen when she hooked up with Brody in Season 2. What am I taking about? Stephanie was probably at home watching, plotting her evil plan to befriend Lauren to get her ugly ass on TV!

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hills is a total crap program why are people watching this
see sharon stone freaking news of his son botox at
http://www.entertainroom.com

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ergh! i hate lauren more now than i did last week , who the hell does she think she is
she goes on a few dinner dates with a guy and she already thinks she can Dictate everything he does .
lc is a vile possessive little b!tc* and i cant believe both stphanie and doug even bothered trying to explain to that tart.

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Plus another 10 for Whitney telling Doug "I don't even know you. And I don't want to..." when he asked if she hated him for splashing her.

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Whitney sounds like Lauren's sister, Breanna, during Laguna Beach season 3 when she pronounces her words.

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Plus 10 for Whitney overpronouncing every word and her facial expressions moving in slow motion. :)

Lauren Conrad Biography

Lauren Conrad and New Boyfriend? A Laguna Beach alumna, the gorgeous Lauren Conrad has gone on to be the star of its spin-off series, The Hills. Back in her high school... More »
Born
Birthplace
Laguna Beach, California
Full Name
Lauren Katherine Conrad

Lauren Conrad Quotes

Someone with a great sense of humor is the most important thing, and someone who really supports me in everything I do... I don’t ever want to make an excuse for trying to work hard and having my own life. I love a guy that supports that and loves that.

Lauren Conrad [on men]

I don’t feel girly without long hair! There is something so sexy about having long blonde hair. It’s so feminine.

Lauren Conrad