THE HOLLYWOOD GOSSIP NOTE: We're switching up our format for recapping The Hills. After a brief rundown of events, our staff will grade each episode, awarding (or deducting) points for the funniest, cheesiest (and most fake) moments.
To sum up, Heidi's mom, Darlene Montag, pays a visit to L.A. from Colorado and is dismayed to learn that Heidi is living with Spencer Pratt again.
Doug Reinhardt throws a party where his shadiness re: Stephanie Pratt becomes a topic of debate. Lauren Conrad and Brody Jenner get on his case.
On to the rankings!
"If you're friends with your girl, you don't go out with an ex - unless you get the stamp of approval," says Lauren Conrad's trainer as she punches his raised palms at the gym. Right. We're sure he cares. Most rehearsed line ever. Minus 2.
After claiming she and Doug Reinhardt aren't dating, and she deleted his number from her phone, Stephanie tells LC she's still going to go to Doug's BBQ, claiming she RSVP'd "weeks ago before I was even friends with him." Ummm, what? You gotta love blatantly lying to your friend AND four million viewers. Plus 3.
Darlene Montag comes to L.A. unannounced? Really? That's not exactly a quick trip. And Spencer doesn't appear surprised to see her for a second, transitioning instantly into irritable, lazy jackass mode. Very suspicious, Hills. Minus 4.
Wearing jewelry, Lauren and Whitney Port look more glamourous at the gym than most girls do on dates. This is, strangely, the norm for them. Plus 1.
On a similar note, Heidi Montag is wearing full-on clubbing / prostitute makeup while sitting around the apartment. Minus 3.
Later, Spencer Pratt actually leaves the apartment! Plus 2.
Whitney Port's sunglasses cover 75 percent of her face. Minus 1. But Plus 1 for them actually showing Whitney outside of work for a change.