Attention, Jessica Simpson: You have competition in the attention whore department!
Ranae Shrider - who has already sworn in court that she was behind the Verne Troyer sex tape leak - is now selling stories of herself and the diminutive actor to any publication that comes knocking.
No snarky comments on our part can do justice to the following words, given to Great Britain's News of the World in an interview. So we'll just quote the gold digger directly:
On Almost Drowning Verne Troyer: "I thought it would be fun to do it in the tub. Sadly, I almost killed him. While Verne was watching TV I ran the bath, emptied a bottle of bubbles in it and called him in. But the bubbles were so thick and high that once he climbed in he got lost under the water and I couldn't see him.
Ranae Shrider and Verne Troyer on their first date. Who could have guessed this would have led to a sex tape years later?
Verne's voice is just like it is in the films and as he disappeared under the water, I heard this tiny yelp for help. I could just hear him crying, â€˜Ranae, I can't see! Get me out, I'm drowning!' I was frantic and started to scoop the bubbles out so I could find him. The bath was only about 3ft deep but for someone of Verne's size it was like he'd fallen into the deep end of a swimming poolâ€"and he CAN'T swim.
I put my hand under and eventually felt his bald head and hauled him out. I couldn't believe I'd tried to do something sexy and ended up almost killing him. He looked like a drowned rat."
On Troyer's Obsession with Himself: "Without a doubt there's nothing Verne enjoys more than seeing himself on screen. Watching his own films is his favourite hobby.So it was no surprise when he asked if he could film us having sex. He said we could use it to get ourselves turned on."
On Her Pet Dog: "â€¦he detested my little Maltese dog Lacey because when she stood on her back legs she was bigger than him."
On Verne's Mini-Menis: "For a small guy he's quite well endowed. I had no complaints. But the whole thing was over in three minutes. It was strange having sex with someone who couldn't reach to kiss me at the same time, except for my tummy that is! I was so relieved it was over.
But minutes later Verne was ready to go again. That night we made love three times in 20 minutes, which most bigger men only dream about doing."