Just a Typical Day in The Hills

The Kress, a four-story Asian-inspired L.A. club, has barely been open one week, but on this night it's hosting the nightclub equivalent of a meeting with the Pope — that is, a visit from the cast and crew of The Hills.

With stars Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge due to arrive at 8:30 p.m. for their standard girl talk over cocktails, The Hills crew is busy prepping the whole place, reports Entertainment Weekly in its new cover story.

Two seats in the corner are reserved, and a production assistant goes around handing out forms asking bystanders to agree to appear on camera.

If they don't, The Hills producers will ask them to move, or shoot around them. Most comply easily, unimpressed by the fact that MTV's highest-rated series will be shooting a scene mere feet from their dinner.

Clearly, they don't know that Lauren and Audrina are having major tension at home, and this could be, like, a totally important conversation.

Finally, Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge themselves arrive at the hip restaurant and take their seats at the bar. No direction. No rehearsals.

They just start talking.

Upstairs, the director and four producers, including creator and executive producer Adam DiVello, huddle around three portable monitors.

Lauren and Audrina segue into a conversation about tomorrow's barbecue at the house of Lauren's ex-boyfriend, Doug Reinhardt.

Will it be awkward, Audrina inquires, since Doug recently went on a date with Lauren's friend Stephanie Pratt (sister of Spencer)?

Regarding the complicated situation with Doug Reinhardt, Lauren admits to her roommate and friend, "Tomorrow, I'm gonna need to drink."

Catching a shot of Lauren laughing that he thinks will work well for Season Four's opening credits montage, The Hills editors jot down the time code.

When Audrina and Lauren prepare to depart, the director sends one of the cameras across the street to capture them leaving.

Strolling down the boulevard, LC, who has been living her life on TV for four years and knows how to end a scene, turns to Audrina and smiles.

"Tomorrow," she says, "is gonna be a crazy, fun day."

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you make one of the most addictive, hated, beloved, vapid, influential, successful shows on TV.

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