Elle Airbrushes the Crap Out of Jessica Simpson

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Either that or they used an file photo, circa 2001. But most likely it's just airbrushing. Only InTouch or Star would actually try to pass off an older picture (as we saw with their recent, outstanding Britney Spears efforts).

Seriously, the last time Jessica Simpson looked like this, she was married to (and cheating on) Nick Lachey while confusing meat products on reality TV. And what's with the plaid? We get it, she "country" now. Yawn.

If the HUGE text covering most of her body were supposed to distract us, you failed, Elle! A word to the wise: Quit wasting your time on this hack and just give us Marisa Miller or someone like that next time, K? Cool.

Jessica Simpson graces the new cover of Elle. We have no clue why.

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Jessica Simpson Biography

Not a Major Movie Star By Any Means
Sweet mother of G-d, Jessica Simpson has got some huge breasts. Holy frickin' $h!t. Look at those things! She also possesses a singing... More »
Born
Birthplace
Abilene, Texas
Full Name
Jessica Ann Simpson

Jessica Simpson Quotes

They're just the cutest couple in the world. They are adorable. Anybody would wish to be them and you can only wish them well. Just being around them inspires love and everything I sing about.

Jessica Simpson [on her sister and Pete Wentz]

It’s fun to do a small film that might be released to DVD not because it’s a horrible film, but because it’s an independent film. For people to say Employee of the Month was a flop is ludicrous. We made the money back–that’s not a flop. For people to say The Dukes of Hazzard was a flop–it opened to $30 million! If these movies are flops, why would I still make them?

Jessica Simpson